Facing It Alone
by dustedoffanoldie
Summary: Studio 60: Matt receives some devastating news. Will he give in and ask for help, or will he try and face it alone?
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first Studio 60 fanfic, and the first story I have written in years, so please be gentle )**

**Facing it alone: Chapter One**

"**Hey." Suzanne said as she walked into Matt's office with his usual morning coffee; a triple shot non-fat vanilla latte from Starbucks.**

"**Thanks." Matt said, taking the hot drink from her. "Aw, no blueberry muffin today?" he whined, causing Suzanne to roll her eyes at him as she mad her way back to Starbucks.**

**Once Suzanne had left the office, Matt tried to focus on what he was doing before he was interrupted. For some reason, he was finding it hard to concentrate; the fact his office felt like a sauna was not helping, **_**it was December, it shouldn't be this hot should it? **_**Matt thought to himself. **

"**Morning." Harriet grumbled as she walked in to Matt's office a few minutes later. "How the hell are you not cold?" she asked Matt, referring to the fan sitting on his desk blowing icy cold air into the room. **

"**Are you kidding me? Anyway, you're always cold," Matt said, winking at Harriet. **

"**No, Seriously Matt," she said, walking over and placing a hand on his forehead. "You're hot. Are you sure you feel okay?"**

"**Hey, I'm always hot." He replied, pretending to be offended by Harriet's comment. **

**"Really, Harri, I'm fine. It's just a little warm in here," he smiled, trying to relieve the look of concern on her face.**

"**Okay." Harriet replied, slightly unconvinced by Matt's answer.**

"**So, did you want to speak to me about something?" Matt asked, trying to change the subject.**

"**Yes, about this Britney Spears sketch you've been working on. You don't actually expect me to shave my head do you?" Harriet asked, slightly scared about what Matt's response would be. **

"**Harriet, we want this to be funny, therefore it has to look authentic." Matt replied.**

"**Hey Matt, you haven't seen my cell phone laying around have you?" Danny asked as he walked into Matt's office. **

"**No," Matt replied, still looking at Harriet. "Danny, tell Harri, that as her boss, she has to do what I say." **

"**Harriet, do as Matt says… Wait, what does he want you to do?" Danny said, looking between the two of them. **

"**He claims that to be a convincing Britney Spears, I have to shave my head" Harriet told Danny.**

"**And you believe him?" Danny asked with an amused look on his face.**

"**Urgh, you're an idiot!" Harriet said through gritted teeth as she walked out of the office. **

"**Yeah, she's right there. You are an idiot. Why else would you have a fan on in December?" laughed Danny, as he left the office. **

**X**

"**Here it is." Suzanne called, walking in to Matt's office with his blueberry muffin, only to find him sound asleep on his couch, fan still blasting icy cold air in to the room. **

**X**

"**So, everything is sorted for tomorrow except lighting, right?" Danny asked Cal as they made their way up to Matt's office.**

"**Yeah, we have people working on that as we speak." Cal reassured him. **

"**You can't go in there," Suzanne whispered as they went to open the door to Matt's office.**

"**Why, what's he doing?" Danny asked. He scrunched his nose, not wanting to hear what his friend was doing in his office that he couldn't see. **

"**He's asleep." Suzanne said quietly, pointing to Matthew through the window.**

"**It's not even lunchtime yet! When was nap time introduced?" Cal questioned.**

"**Now, apparently." replied Danny dryly, before opening Matt's office door.**

"**Wake up!" Danny yelled, before picking up Matt's beloved tennis ball and throwing it at him.**

"**Ow!" muttered Matt, as he rolled over, surprised to see Danny and Cal standing over him. "Remind me never to ask you to step in if my alarm clock breaks!"**

"**What are you doing?" Danny questioned.**

"**Sleeping..." He replied. "May I help you with anything?"**

"**Are you feeling okay?" Danny asked, concerned. "It's not like you to fall asleep during the day, plus Harriet mentioned that you had a fever this morning."**

"**It's just been a tough week, I guess." replied Matt tiredly.**

"**Okay, I still think it's a good idea to go to the doctor's," Danny told him. "Apparently there is a lot of strep throat going around" **

"**Okay, I'll go later, I promise. What did you guys want anyway?" **

"**Just to let you know that Snow Patrol have confirmed this Friday," Danny said excitedly.**

"**Do you even know who they are?" Matt asked.**

"**Well, no, but Jordan likes them." Danny replied slightly embarrassed. **

"**I'm proud to call you my friend" Matt said light-heartedly, patting Danny on the back as he got up off the couch. **

"**Before I forget, Mother's Day is on Sunday. Suzanne said that if you want anything sent to your mom, you need to speak to her before the end of the day; so it'll get there in time"**

"**Don't you only send things to your mom if you actually like her?" Matt moaned.**

"**You don't like your mom?" Cal asked, a little shocked at what he'd just heard.**

" **Not really, but I don't think she's very fond of me either." **

"**I love my mom." Danny said with a smile.**

"**So do I." Matt said sincerely.**

"**You love my mom, seriously?"**

"**Look how much that freaks you out. I should get you to start calling me dad." Matt laughed.**

"**You guys know I'm still here right?" Cal reminded them.**

"**Yes, and don't worry; I'm not going to go all Maury Povich on you. It's just, I love how your mom laughs at my jokes."**

"**You know she probably doesn't understand them, right?"**

"**But she still laughs…"**

"**She's probably laughing at you," teased Cal.**

"**Thanks." Matt replied sarcastically. **

"**Anyway, enough of all this girl talk; I do enough of that with Jordan." Danny stated.**

"**Okaaay, I really need to get back downstairs anyway." Cal said, leaving the office as quickly as he could. **

"**I should get back to work as well." Danny said, doing their special handshake before leaving the office. **

**X**

**This couldn't be happening! Was he asleep and having some sort of horrible nightmare…?**

**"Are yo… are you sure?" he asked Dr. Gallagher, his voice shaking and barely above a whisper. Matt didn't understand why they'd asked him to come back; they had already told him he had the flu that morning…**

"**I'm afraid so Mr. Albie. You have what they call acute myeloid leukaemia, a disease that affects various white blood cells. This means cancerous cells are now accumulating in your bone marrow, replacing your normal blood cells around your body."**

**Matt leaned forward in his chair, putting his head in his hands.**

"**I know this is a lot to take in Matthew, but we need to get you started on treatment as soon as possible."**

**Matt just nodded; he sat there in silence, trying to take in as much information as he could.**

"**I've already spoken to Dr. Whitford at Cedars Sinai, and he wants to start you on Chemotherapy within the next few days."**

"**Okay." Matt replied quietly.**

"**Is there anything you would like to discuss with me before you go?"**

"**How... How ill am I?" Matt asked, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. **

"**You're lucky. We've caught the cancer while it's still in its early stages; it's very treatable, plus, I've sent you to one of the best specialists in California." Dr. Gallagher smiled, like that was going to make him feel any better. **

"**Thanks." Matt must have sounded as unconvincing as he felt, because Dr. Gallagher went on.**

**"The odds are in your favour here, Matt. People survive leukaemia everyday."**

"**Right." Matt said standing up and shaking the doctor's hand.**

"**Good luck, Matthew."**

"**Thanks again." Matt said, forcing a smile as he left the doctor's office. **


	2. Chapter 2

Studio 60 on The Sunset Strip returns to NBC this coming Thursday (24th May 2007 – WATCH IT)

Thank you so much for the reviews, I really appreciate them. Please keep them coming.

Facing it alone: Chapter Two

Matt took a slow shaky breath, running his hands over his face like he always did when something was bothering him. It was a nervous habit he'd had since he was a small child.

All he had to do was write one last sketch for that night's show, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't think of _anything _funny.

"How's the sketch coming along?" Danny asked, walking into Matt's office.

"Eh."

"You do this every week, Matty. Why is everything so last minute with you?" Danny sighed, referring to the last 5 minutes of the show that were still not written; with only four hours left until show time.

"I know…"

"No wonder you're always so stressed out. It's like you enjoy doing this to yourself. It's not healthy Matt…"

"I know." Matt cut in, looking up at Danny.

"Well, I'm glad we agree on this." Danny said, as he left Matt's office. He was slightly taken aback. It wasn't often that Matt was so willing to agree on something like that with him.

After Danny had left, Matt finally managed to get some work done.

Matt sighed and finished off the last bit of his Red Bull, before slowly crushing the can in his hand. He couldn't help but let out a somewhat bitter laugh at the irony of being able to write one of the funniest sketches of his life on one of the worst days of his life.

XxXxX

"Hey." Jordan said, taking a seat next to Matt at the wrap party later that evening, welcoming him with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi." Matt replied, taking a sip of his drink. "Did you enjoy the show?"

"Not a huge fan of Paris Hilton then?" laughed Jordan, referring to one of the sketches from that evening's show.

"It's not that I'm not a fan, it's just, she's so detached from reality that it's unreal," Matt explained, smiling slightly.

"Ha! Coming from the most stable man in Hollywood, I'm sure Paris would be flattered," Jordan laughed, poking Matt in the side jokingly. "So, are you feeling any better?" Jordan's tone became serious.

"Nothing a good night's sleep won't fix," lied Matt. He wasn't sure why he felt the need to lie, these people were his closest friends, they would want to know, particularly Danny. Danny was his best friend; they loved each other like brothers, and he'd do anything for Matt. Maybe that's why he didn't want anyone to know. Matt always hated being a burden to others.

"Good. I don't like it when either of my boys is ill." Jordan smiled, getting up from her chair and ruffling Matt's hair as she walked away.

Matt ordered himself another Diet Coke and headed over to the comfortable chairs in the corner of the room. He wasn't in a particularly great mood anyway, but every time he thought about how ill he felt, it just reminded him of what was happening tomorrow.

"Hey you." Harriet said, walking over and taking a seat next to Matt.

"Great show tonight." Matt said, taking Harriet's hand in his and giving it a quick squeeze.

"That's hot!" laughed Harriet, referring to her scarily convincing Paris Hilton impression.

"Stop it!" Matt laughed.

"So, how are you feeling?" Harriet asked, placing a hand on Matt's forehead. "Aw, you still have a fever." She picked up the magazine on the table and fanned him with it.

"Thanks." Matt said, turning to Harriet and smiling before resting his head on her shoulder.

"Give it a couple of days and you'll be back to your regular, annoying self," teased Harriet.

"Yeah, a couple of days and I'll be okay." Matt mumbled quietly.

XxXxX

Matt woke up early the next morning. He'd had a horrible night, and had only managed to grab a couple of hours sleep. He quickly packed his bag, got dressed and headed out.

XxXxX

"Mr. Albie, the nurse is ready for you now." The receptionist told him.

"Thanks." Matt said as he nodded his head in appreciation to the receptionist and made his way into the room.

"Good morning Mr. Albie, or would you prefer I called you Matthew?" The nurse asked him kindly.

"Matthew would be fine, thanks!"

"Okay Matthew, my name's Emma and I'm your oncology nurse. All I need you to do for me is roll up your sleeve, sit on the bed, and get comfortable." Emma instructed him.

"Kay!" Matt said nervously.

Matt watched carefully as Emma prepared his treatment.

"It looks a lot scarier than it actually is." Smiled Emma reassuringly.

Matt hated everything about hospitals - the smell, the whiter than white walls, and the clickity–click sounds that everyone's shoes made outside in the corridors.

"Okay, has the doctor explained to you that we'll be giving you your chemotherapy i**ntravenously through a vein in your arm?"**

**Matt just nodded.**

**"Okay, can I have your left arm?" Emma asked gently. "You'll be fine." She said, smiling at Matthew as she inserted the IV into his arm.**

**"Ouch!" **

**"Sorry, did I hurt you?" Emma asked apologetically, once the IV was hooked up to the machine, which was already pumping the chemotherapy drugs into his body.**

**"A little, but that's okay." Answered Matt; somewhat embarrassed that he'd just admitted it hurt. **

**"I'll be back to check on you in a bit. You'll be hooked up to the machine for 8 hours today" Emma explained. "We'll give you some anti-nausea medication in a couple of hours. If you start to feel unwell before then, just press the call button." Emma told him, pointing to the button at the side of his bed.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt just lay there motionless; he'd never felt so sick in his life. Emma had taken him off the chemotherapy machine a few hours ago, and the time between that and the nausea kicking in was almost instant. How can he go through this all again tomorrow? Just as that thought came in to his head, he felt the sudden urge to vomit again. The shooting pains at the back of his eyes from being so violently sick were unbearable. All he wanted to do was sleep.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt woke up early the next morning, feeling as sick as he had the night before. How the hell was he going to get through another eight hours of chemotherapy today? Just then, his nurse Emma walked in.**

**"Good morning sleepy head." Emma greeted him cheerfully.**

**"Hey." Matt replied, sounding as miserable as he felt.**

**"Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything before I hook you up to the machine"? Asked Emma.**

**"No, I'm okay thanks."**

**Matt watched Emma closely as she once again set up the machine for another eight long hours of chemotherapy.**

**"Okay, you're all set. You'll be allowed to go home tonight as you didn't have any serious reactions towards the treatment."**

**"But I was sick." Matt said anxiously.**

**"That's perfectly normal." Reassured Emma. "We'll make sure you don't leave the hospital without some medication to minimise the nausea."**

**"Thank you." Matt said quietly.**

**It wasn't long after Emma had left the room that Matt fell asleep; he was still so exhausted from last night. He woke up a few hours later to Emma checking his temperature.**

**"Sorry to wake you."**

**"It's okay." Matt said, opening his eyes sleepily.**

**"How are you feeling?"**

**"I think I'm going to be sick." He said quietly.**

**Emma quickly handed him the bucket that was next to his bed and sat with him while he threw up.**

**"I'm sorry." Matt apologised.**

**"Don't be silly, it's not your fault." Emma reassured him.**

**"I hate this." Matt said, leaning back heavily against the pillows.**

**XxXxX**

**"And I'm done." Emma said, gently pulling the IV drip out of Matt's arm.**

**"OW!"**

**"That didn't hurt, you big baby." She teased.**

**"Is someone picking you up?" Emma asked, filling out the necessary paperwork that would allow him to go home.**

**"Yes, my friend is meeting me outside." Lied Matt.**

**"Okay, good. Let me go and get your medication, and you can be on your way."**

**Emma came back a few minutes later with a ton of medicine for him to take home.**

**"As Dr. Gallagher explained to you on Friday, the best way to treat Leukaemia is using combination therapy. This means alongside your chemotherapy you'll also be taking some oral medication." Emma said, handing him the large bag of pills. "All the information you need is in the bag."**

**"Thanks."**

**"I've booked you in for your chemo this week, and you'll be allowed home each night after your treatment. Any questions, you have our number."**

**"Thank you." Matt said gratefully.**

**"No problem. See you tomorrow." Emma said as she left the room.**

**Matt gathered up all his things and made his way out of the room that he'd been kept "prisoner" in for the last 48 hours.**

**"Matt?"**

**Matt spun around when he heard someone calling his name.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Facing It Alone: Chapter Three**

**Matt gathered up all his things and made his way out of the room that he'd been kept "prisoner" in for the last 48 hours. **

**"Matt?"**

**Matt spun around when he heard someone calling his name. **

**"He… hey, what are you doing here?" Matt stuttered, not quite believing who was standing in front of him.**

**"I could ask you the same question."**

**"I asked you first though." Matt answered stubbornly.**

**"I donate money to the hospital." **

**"Oh, well that's nice of you… I'm here visiting a friend." Matt said, though he was sure they knew he was lying.**

**Just then, Emma came running towards them. **

**"Oh good, you're still here. You forgot to sign your discharge form." Emma said, slightly out of breath.**

**"Uh, sorry." Apologised Matt as he signed the papers hastily.**

**"I'll see you tomorrow, Matt." Emma said as she walked off. **

**Once Emma had gone, Jack gave Matt a knowing look. "So you're just 'visiting a friend huh?'"**

**"I…" Stuttered Matt.**

**Jack held up his hand, signalling that Matt needn't explain. **

**"Come on, I'll drive you home."**

**Jack awkwardly placed his hand on Matt's shoulder to help guide him to the car.**

**"I'll be fine." Matt said uncomfortably.**

**Just then, Matt's knees buckled beneath him and he had to rely on Jack to help him. **

**XxXxX**

**The majority of the drive up to Matt's home in the Hollywood Hills was spent in silence. Neither Jack nor Matt knew what to say to each other. It didn't help that Matt felt particularly queasy every time the car made any sudden movements. **

**"Are you okay?" Jack asked, looking over at Matt nervously.**

**"Eh, I think so. I'm not going to puke in your car, if that's what you're thinking." Matt reassured Jack, smiling slightly.**

**"I know you all think I'm a complete jackass most of the time, but there is a nice guy in me… somewhere." Jack joked, trying to ease the tension.**

**XxXxX**

**"Are you sure you don't need me to do anything else for you?" Jack asked, while helping Matt get settled in front of the T.V.**

**"Honestly Jack, I'm fine."**

**"Okay, well I'll go." Jack said, clearing his throat as he stood up.**

**"Kay!"**

**"You know what, I'll just stay and make sure you're okay for a little while." Jack told him, as he loosened his tie and made himself comfortable.**

**Matt looked over at him in surprise. This was not the Jack Rudolph that he was familiar with. Although; he hated to admit it, he was somewhat relieved that he wasn't alone. He closed his eyes and let the sound from the T.V slowly lull him to sleep, the past couple of days catching up with him.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt woke up the next morning, his back aching from sleeping on the couch all night. He opened his eyes a little, only to be blinded by the bright sunlight shining through the open curtains.**

**As he got used to the light, his eyes fell on a black corduroy jacket that was neatly slung over the side of the chair next to him. _Jack must have left it here last night when he dropped me off,_ thought Matt.**

**"Morning."**

**Matt jumped when he heard Jack's voice coming from the other couch. **

**"Shit, I didn't see you there! Have you been here all night?" Matt asked, slightly surprised.**

**"Yeah, I fell asleep." Jack replied, his voice groggy.**

**"Oh, okay."**

**"Well, I'll get going then." Jack said, tying his shoes and standing.**

**"Thanks for, you know… everything." Matt said, slightly embarrassed.**

**"Don't worry about it." Jack said with a nod.**

**"I'll see you tomorrow." Matt said. He started to get up and shake Jack's hand, but decided against it; as a wave of nausea hit him.**

**"I don't think so." Jack told him firmly.**

**"What do you mean you don't think so? It's Monday tomorrow." Matt shot Jack a confused look.**

**"Yeah, you're taking the week off, Matt. I don't care if you don't want anyone to know. Tell them you have the flu or something, but don't come to work."**

**"But…"**

**"Call me if you need me." Jack said, ignoring Matt as he left.**

**XxXxX**

**Jordan entered Danny's office on Monday morning, a worried look on her face as she noticed how miserable Danny looked.**

**"What's wrong?" Jordan asked, moving behind Danny and rubbing his shoulders.**

**"Matt's not coming to work."**

**"Oh my God, is he ok?" Jordan asked worriedly, moving around to sit on Danny's lap.**

**"He has the flu." Sulked Danny.**

**"The flu? You made it sound like you'd never see him again." Jordan said, rolling her eyes at him.**

**"Well, it's just going to be weird, don't you think? God knows what Jack will say. Matt reckons he'll be off the entire week."**

**"Aw, you'll have no one to play with." Teased Jordan.**

**"Aren't you scared of what Jack will say?" Danny asked.**

**"Why would I be scared? You're the one telling him." Bantered Jordan. **

**XxXxX**

**Danny nervously knocked on Jack's office door as Jordan waited patiently outside.**

**"Come in." Called Jack.**

**"Hi, it's about Matt." Danny begun.**

**"Okay, I don't have long. What is it?" Jack asked impatiently.**

**"Matt has the flu, so he doesn't think he'll be in to work this week." Danny said, picking up the model car from Jack's desk and playing with it as he nervously waited for a response.**

**"Okay…" Jack said, glancing up at Danny, who immediately put the car down.**

**"Just okay…? You do realise the only writers we'll have are Darius, Lucy and Andy." Informed Danny. **

**"Do you not think I have more important things to worry about than Matt Albie sitting at home with the flu?" Snapped Jack.**

**"Okay…" Danny said, cracking his knuckles as he turned to leave.**

**"And Danny… Just because Matt's off this week, this doesn't mean you have an excuse for the show to do badly on Friday. I want the audience retention to remain in the upper 90's." Ordered Jack.**

**XxXxX**

**Jack walked over to Matt's door and knocked lightly.**

**"Hi." Matt greeted him groggily. **

**"Hey. The nurse said you'll be finished in an hour, so I'll wait around to take you home." Jack said, as he took a seat beside Matt.**

**"Thanks." Matt replied quietly, knowing that if he spoke any more, he'd throw up.**

**"No problem…" Jack looked around the room as he tried to think of something else to say.**

**"Why are you doing this?" Matt asked. "We're not exactly friends."**

**"No, we're not… But you shouldn't have to do this alone - no one should have to do this alone." Jack explained. **

**Matt opened his eyes and looked at Jack.**

**"My mom bravely battled cancer for five years; before passing away last year. She died on her own while I was at work." Jack said, swallowing a lump that had formed in his throat.**

**"I don't know why I'm telling you this…" Apologised Jack.**

**Matt smiled weakly at him. "Well, I appreciate you being here."**

**XxXxX**

**"So, how do you feel?" Jack asked, sitting down on the couch next to Matt.**

**"Like shit." Matt let out a small laugh.**

**"Well, I've seen you look worse. Remember that night at the wrap party, where you got really drunk and threw up all over Wilson White?" Jack laughed at the memory of that night.**

**"The night you fired us you mean? Yeah, I don't really remember much from that evening."**

**"Well, you were quite drunk."**

**"And you were quite the jackass."**

**They were both silent for a few minutes, neither sure what to say.**

**"You know, if we were friends, this would be have been our first fight." Matt said, leaning his head back on the couch.**

**"We're not friends though…" Jack said as he picked up the remote and switched on the T.V.**

**"Yeah, no, we're not." Replied Matt, grabbing the remote control off of Jack and switching over to "30 Rock"**

**Matt and Jack watched the screen as the rats ran loose, wreaking havoc as they hid beneath the stage.**

**"I can't believe you watch this crap. That would never happen" Jack said, pointing to the screen. "No decent producer in their right mind would allow wild animals to roam around the studio like that."**

**"Uhm, yeah, that _is_ ridiculous." **

**XxXxX**

**"Urgh." Groaned Matt, as he stumbled to the bathroom, clutching his stomach to be sick, again.**

**"Are you okay?" someone asked from outside the bathroom.**

**"Who the fuck?" He thought, as the last couple of hours slowly came back to him.**

**"I'm fine Jack." Matt replied as he opened the bathroom door slowly, sounding as unconvincing as he felt.**

**"Here, eat this." Jack said, holding a plate of food out to him.**

**"Urgh." Was all Matt could utter, before returning to the bathroom to be sick again. **

**"Hey, I happen to be famous for my breakfasts, my wife never complained…"**

**"Yeah, and look how _that_ turned out." Groaned Matt. **

**"You have to eat something."**

**"Why? Whatever I eat, I'll just throw up anyway" he said, as he felt his stomach muscles contract for what felt like the 100th time that morning.**

**Jack sighed as he threw the then cold food into the trash. He knew he wouldn't be able to get him to eat anything, but at least he tried.**

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update, blame Matthew and Bradley… I have been distracted by the amazingness of "Breaking News". If you haven't seen it… download it on iTunes, you will be BLOWN away. Lastly, don't forget Studio 60, NBC, Thursday's at 10 P.M.**

**Enjoy!**

**Facing It Alone: Chapter Four**

**Matt lay awake in bed. He couldn't sleep; his brain refused to switch off. He slammed his fist down hard on the bed. Who was he kidding? He didn't want to be alone.**

**He hesitated a little before picking up the phone. It didn't matter that it was the middle of the night; he just needed to hear that voice.**

**"Hi… Yeah it's me. I'm not feeling well. Can you come over?"**

**XxXxX**

**It was Friday night, and Matt had just received his last chemotherapy session of the cycle. He was glad for the break, but in one week, it would all begin again. **

**He only just made it to the bathroom in time before he was violently sick again. He knelt on the floor, his knuckles turning white from gripping the bowl so hard, his stomach muscles aching from the constant retching. His head was pounding, he felt as though he was on fire. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping the room would stop spinning as he slowly made his way back to his room on his hands and knees.**

**"Matthew!" He heard someone calling his name as he crawled in to bed.**

**"Matthew, are you okay?" He heard the voice again, this time louder than before. **

**"Harri…" Matt called out, his voice hoarse.**

**"Matthew, I'm here. Shh, it's okay."**

**"They're biting me, make them stop!" He begged desperately as he thrashed around in bed.**

**"Matthew honey, nothing's biting you. You're worrying me."**

**"Harri, please help me!" **

**"Honey, it's okay. I think you have a fever." She said, placing a thermometer under his tongue.**

**"They're hurting me, the spiders are climbing all over me."**

**"Baby, there's nothing there." She soothed, removing the thermometer from his mouth. "103 F, I'm calling your doctor."**

**"I'm sorry Harri…"**

**"Matthew, it's not Harriet, it's me… Mom."**

**XxXxX**

**After a couple of hours, Matt's fever slowly started to go down.**

**"How are you feeling?" His mom asked, squeezing the excess water out of the washcloth before placing it on Matt's forehead. **

**"I've felt better… I can't believe you're really here." He said, reaching for her hand. **

**"Do you really think I'm that bad a mother? That when my son calls me in the middle of the night in tears, that I wouldn't just jump on the next flight out to be with him?" She asked, wiping away the tears that were slowly running down her cheek.**

**"I don't think you're a bad mother." Matt said, squeezing her hand gently. "But let's face it; we're not as close as we used to be."**

**"I know. I hate myself everyday for pushing you away like that." She told him; as she removed the warm, damp cloth from his forehead and soaked it in the bowl of cool water beside her, before placing it back onto his head.**

**"I really need you right now, mom." **

**"Shhh. Try and get some sleep okay? I'll be here when you wake up." She told him, kissing his cheek softly as he closed his eyes.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt reluctantly made his way downstairs the next morning; the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen was making him sick to his stomach. **

**"Morning, sweetheart." **

**"Hey mom."**

**"Hi." **

**Matt spun around when he heard Jack's voice.**

**"Make yourself at home." Matt muttered quietly under his breath.**

**"Matthew, I did not bring you up to talk to your friends like that."**

**"It's okay, Lizzy." Jack explained. "Matt and I have an agreement; we're not friends."**

**"Well, you seem like a nice guy, Jack. Where are your other friends? Where's Daniel when you need him? I have a good mind to go and tell him what I think of him." She seethed, busying herself with the washing up. **

**"Mom, I haven't told Danny."**

**"He hasn't told anyone." Added Jack.**

**Matt looked at Jack, growling slightly. **

**"Thanks for that."**

**"I cannot believe you Matthew." Lizzy threw up her hands. "Did you really think you could do this alone?"**

**"No, but…"**

**"What about that girl you dated?"**

**"Harriet?" **

**"Was that her name?"**

**"Mom, we dated for five years."**

**"Okay then, wouldn't Harriet want to know?**

**"She would, but I don't want anyone to know." Explained Matt, as he pushed the food around on his plate.**

**"Stop playing with your food." She sighed, frustrated with Matt. "Why not?" **

**"I think… I just… I don't want people to look at me differently, which, they will once they find out."**

**"For goodness sake, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard."**

**"Matt, your mom's right, you need to grow up here." **

**"You grow up." Retaliated Matt.**

**"No, you grow up!"**

**"You two sound like you're friends to me!"**

**"We're not friends." They both informed her.**

**XxXxX**

**"You sure you're okay to come back to work tomorrow?" **

**"Honestly, I'm fine." Replied Matt, hoping he didn't sound as exhausted as he felt.**

**"Okay! Hey Matt, I know you're going to think I'm crazy, but I swear I just heard Jack Rudolph in the background."**

**"What?" Matt laughed awkwardly. "That's the T.V., Danny. Why would Jack be at my house?"**

**"Yeah, you're right. I hope I'm not coming down with whatever you had." Laughed Danny. "I'd have to kick your ass." **

**"Yeah…" Replied Matt, sounding far more serious than he wanted to. "I'd hate for you to have to kick my ass." He added, hoping Danny missed his seriousness.**

**"I know you would. Remember, I'm three years older and I'm stronger than you, little boy." Teased Danny. **

**"Anyway Matty, get an early night okay?"**

**"Will do old man, bye!"**

**XxXxX**

**Matt lay in bed that night, Danny's words playing over and over in his mind. **

**_I hope I'm not coming down with whatever you had. _**

**He knew Danny was joking, hell, Danny didn't even know what was wrong with him, but those words still hit Matt hard.**

**He finally managed to get to sleep, with a couple of hours to spare before he had to wake up for work. **

**XxXxX**

**"We've missed you!" Suzanne said, welcoming Matt back with a friendly hug.**

**"Really?"**

**"Yeah, We've been lost without you. Although, Harriet did ask me not to tell you that, in case 'it made your head grow any bigger than it already is'" Laughed Suzanne. **

**"Matty?" Danny called, running up the stairs, taking two at a time as he made his way towards Matt's office.**

**"Hey." Matt swung around, only to be greeted by Danny's open arms.**

**"Hey buddy, you feeling better? You look tired, are you tired?" Danny asked, obviously concerned with Matt's drained complexion.**

**"Honestly Danny, Don't…"**

**"Don't worry about it?" Danny laughed. Trust Matt to mock him with his very own catchphrase. **

**XxXxX**

**"Okay relax, we're going to be fine. I have a lot of faith in you guys. Danny said you all worked really well together last week, and put on an amazing show. I'm sorry I put you in that position, but thank you." Matt said, looking at Lucy, Darius and Andy as they sat around the table in the writers' room.**

**"Danny told me about a story in yesterday's paper. A driver doing 92mph — twice the limit, he told cops he had washed his car and was trying to dry it in Medina, Wisconsin. Do you guys want to take a whack at writing a sketch about an incredibly bad criminal?" **

**"Uh, sure" Lucy replied, slightly unconvincingly.**

**"Leave it to us Matt." Andy reassured him.**

**"Right, great. I'm right upstairs when you need me." **

**XxXxX**

**Matt sat on the sofa in his office, repeatedly throwing his tennis ball against the wall.**

**"How's it going?" Danny asked, as he walked in to Matt's office, catching the ball as it flew towards him. **

**"Good good… good good good."**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Absolutely."**

**"Good."**

**"Nope."**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Why do we pay these people again?" Exclaimed Matt, plopping himself down in his seat.**

**"Who?"**

**"Lucy and Darius. Andy's practically working alone down there." **

**"Really? Andy said they were great last week."**

**Matt paused for a moment. "Well, what does Andy know?"**

**"Okaaay." Danny said, raising an eyebrow at Matt as he left the office. **

**XxXxX**

**"Hey Harri, can I have a word?" Danny asked, knocking on Harriet's dressing room door later that afternoon.**

**"Sure, what's up?"**

**Danny was silent for a few seconds, while he carefully chose his words, not wanting to worry Harriet.**

**"Have you seen Matt since he's been back?"**

**"No, I haven't, why?" Harriet asked, biting her lip nervously. **

**"It's just… he seems different. He's only been back a few hours, and he's already pissed people off. It usually takes him a good few days to rub that many people the wrong way, you know?" **

**"Suzanne said he's been coughing all morning, so he probably still doesn't feel well." Harriet reassured him.**

**"Yeah, He does look tired."**

**"He had the flu, Danny. It can really knock you out. Give him a few days to get back in to the swing of it."**

**"You're probably right."**

**"So don't Wo…" **

**"Don't worry about it? I know!" Danny laughed. _Did he really tell people not to worry about it that much?_**

**XxXxX**

**After a particularly gruelling day at work, Harriet made her way up to Matt's office. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him properly since he'd returned to work that morning, and after talking to Danny, she wanted to check on him herself. Harriet popped her head around his door and smiled when she saw he was fast asleep on the couch. **

**"Matthew." Whispered Harriet as she knelt down on the floor next to him. **

**"Huh?"**

**"Wake up sleepy head." **

**"What time is it?"**

**"Almost 6. You should go home, you look exhausted." Harriet said as she played with his hair, gently twirling it between her fingers.**

**"No, I'm fine." Insisted Matt, as he sat up quickly, being hit by a sudden wave of nausea as he did. "Seriously Harriet, I'm okay. I'm just tired, that's all."**

**"Promise?"**

**"Promise." Matt said, as he pulled Harriet in for a quick hug.**

**"Okay. But is there absolutely nothing I can say that will convince you to go home?" Harriet asked hopefully.**

**"Nope…I can't go home anyway." Explained Matt, breaking eye contact.**

**"How come?"**

**"I can't go home because…"**

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay!! Anyway, please read and review and let me know what you think!**

**Facing It Alone – Chapter Five**

**After a particularly gruelling day at work, Harriet made her way up to Matt's office. She hadn't had the chance to talk to him properly since he'd returned to work that morning, and after talking to Danny, she wanted to check on him herself. Harriet popped her head around his door and smiled when she saw he was fast asleep on the couch. **

**"Matthew." Harriet whispered as she knelt down on the floor next to him. **

**"Huh?"**

**"Wake up, sleepy head." **

**"What time is it?"**

**"Almost 6. You should go home; you look exhausted." Harriet said as she played with his hair, gently twirling it between her fingers.**

**"No, I'm fine." Matt insisted, as he sat up quickly, being hit by a sudden wave of nausea as he did. "Seriously Harriet, I'm okay. I'm just tired, that's all."**

**"Promise?"**

**"Promise." Matt said, as he pulled Harriet in for a quick hug.**

**"Okay. But is there absolutely nothing I can say that will convince you to go home?" Harriet asked hopefully.**

**"Nope… I can't go home anyway." Matt explained, breaking eye contact.**

**"How come?"**

**"I can't go home because…" Matt suddenly stopped himself. He wanted so badly to tell her everything, but he couldn't, not yet anyway. He felt awful about it. He hated keeping things from her, but it was for the best. Ever since Harriet and Luke had broken up a few months ago, their friendship had gone from strong to stronger and he loved it. He hadn't realised just how much he'd missed having her "around". The thought of her being there for him just because she felt like she had to was too overwhelming. He wanted to make sure that she was there for him for the right reasons before telling her. **

**"Matthew?"**

**"Uh yeah, I can't go home because… Because my house is being fumigated."**

**"Fumigated?"**

**"Yeah, you know? Where they fill your home with poisonous pesticides to kill the uh, the … pests."**

**"Pests?"**

**"Yeah, I'm having problems with uh, squirrels."**

**XxXxX **

**When Matt awoke early the next morning, it was to the sweet aroma of his mom's special homemade pancakes.**

**"Morning sweetheart. Can I come in?" Lizzy asked, knocking lightly on Matt's bedroom door.**

**"Sure, Mom." He slowly sat up and rubbed his eyes, letting out a small yawn in the process.**

**"Did you sleep well? I brought you some of my special chocolate chip pancakes."**

**"Thanks Mom. You didn't have to."**

**"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to." Lizzy smiled warmly at him, as she carefully sat down on the edge of his bed, placing the tray of warm pancakes on to his lap.**

**"Want one?" He asked, pushing the plate towards her.**

**"No thanks, sweetie; I've already had breakfast. You enjoy them."**

**"Kay." He slowly took a bite, even though he didn't really feel like eating anything at the moment.**

**"Are they good?"**

**Matt nodded his head, taking a small bite. "Mmm." **

**"Okay, well, I'll let you enjoy your breakfast in peace before you have to get ready for work." Lizzy said, as she stood up. "Take it easy today, okay?"**

**"Mom, I'm fine. You worry too much." Matt reassured her.**

**As soon as the door closed behind her, Matt spat out what was in his mouth and wrapped the rest of the pancakes up in a napkin. He had no appetite anymore; it didn't help that every time he'd tried to eat since being home, he'd felt nauseous. **

**XxXxX**

**"Harriet… Wait up." Danny called, as he ran up behind her.**

**"Hey, what's up?" Harriet asked, as Danny took hold of her elbow and led her to his office.**

**"Have you seen Matt since he's been back?"**

**"Yeah I have, why?"**

**"Do you think he seems… weird?"**

**"Weirder than usual you mean?" Harriet joked, before realising Danny was serious.**

**"I don't know… it's just… he seems to be lacking energy this week, maybe I'm worrying about nothing."**

**"Most likely. Give the poor guy a break. He was off work for a week, it takes a while to get your body back into the swing of the 16 hour days." Harriet comforted him. **

**"You're probably right."**

**"I usually am." Harriet laughed, squeezing his hand reassuringly as she left his office.**

**XxXxX**

**"Knock knock."**

**"Hey." Matt said, glancing up from his laptop briefly to look at Jordan.**

**"Wanna grab some lunch?"**

**Matt looked around slightly confused. "Have you walked in to the right office?"**

**"Yeah. Danny's busy, so do you wanna be my lunch date?"**

**"As tempting as it sounds being your lunch date substitute, I'm going to have to pass."**

**"Please?"**

**"Can't you go and play with Harriet or something?"**

**"But I want to play with you."**

**"Did Danny ask you to do this?"**

**"Am I that obvious?"**

**"Well, I was surprised you were picking me over Harriet." Matt said. "Plus I can see Danny standing outside my office eavesdropping."**

**"Oh, hey Jordan, _there_ you are." Danny said, _surprised _to see her, as he walked in to Matt's office. "My meeting has been cancelled."**

**"Shocking." Matt said dryly. "You two are so meant for each other."**

**"Aww thanks."**

**"I don't think he meant that as a compliment… So, you not joining us for lunch then?" Danny asked. **

**XxXxX**

**"I think I'll have the salad… No the soup… Actually, the chicken tenders look really good…"**

**"Chicken tenders… Are you sure?" Danny asked Jordan, as they sat at the lunch table with Harriet in the NBS commissary.**

**"Yes, chicken tenders… No, wait."**

**"She'll have the chicken tenders, the soup, and the salad." Danny told the waiter.**

**"I've asked Suzanne to keep an eye on Matt for me." Danny informed them.**

**"Do you really think that's necessary?" Jordan asked, as she crunched ice cubes between her teeth.**

**"Actually, I think it's a great idea, Danny." Harried added. "After you spoke to me this morning, I had a chance to think about it, and something is definitely not right."**

**"What do you mean?" enquired Jordan, as she buttered her fourth piece of bread. **

**"Danny mentioned to me this morning that Matt looked tired, but I just thought that was from being back at work. But when I saw him earlier, I noticed he was shaking a little. Maybe I'm imagining things."**

**"Now that you mention it, I think he was shaking a little when I saw him, I just assumed he was cold." Jordan added, swiping Danny's hands from her lunch. **

**"Well, you know what they say about those who assume, don't you?" Danny asked.**

**"No, what?"**

**"It makes an ass out of u and me."**

**"You're such a dork." Jordan told him, leaning over and dipping her fries in his ketchup.**

**"You just help yourself." Danny told her sarcastically.**

**"Thanks." Jordan instantly swapped her empty plate with Danny's. "So, where were we?" She asked, taking a sip of his soda.**

**XxXxX**

**"So what do you guys think of this sketch so far?" Matt asked Tom and Simon later that afternoon as they walked in to his office.**

**"Hostage released for pizza - A prison guard held hostage for two days was released after a ransom demand for pizzas was met. Up to twenty inmates at the Orovada Federal Prison in Nevada, seized the guard in a protest over conditions in the maximum-security jail. Initially, they made 24 demands to authorities, but eventually gave up their hostage after agreeing to 15 pizzas, Coke, and garlic bread instead." **

**"That's really good." Tom nodded enthusiastically.**

**"Harriet would be perfect as one of the prisoners." Simon laughed.**

**"Yeah, she would." Matt agreed, as he stretched out his arm to take the paper off from them. "I just need to work on it a little before it's finished."**

**Simon and Tom shot each other a confused look.**

**"Uh… Okay, sounds great." Tom stuttered.**

**"As soon as it's done, I'll let you guys know." Matt told them.**

**"Kay." Simon nodded, shoving his hands deep into his jean pockets.**

**"Did you need me for anything else?" Matt asked, confused by the way they kept staring at him.**

**"Urm, no, no, we're good. Let us know when you're done with that, kay?" Simon said quickly, pointing to the sketch Matt was working on.**

**"Okay…"**

**XxXxX**

**"Thanks for lunch Danny." Harriet said, taking a seat next to Jordan in his office.**

**"It was my pleasure." Danny told her, glancing over at Jordan when he saw she was opening a box of chocolate chip cookies.**

**"Please tell me you're not still hungry?"**

**"Yeah, I only had a light lunch." Jordan shot back.**

**"Hey, can we come in?" Simon and Tom asked, poking their heads round the door.**

**"Sure. Is everything okay?"**

**"We're worried about Matt."**

**"Carry on." Danny told them, taking a seat at his desk.**

**"Do you want us to go?" Jordan interrupted, referring to Harriet and herself.**

**"No, no. I actually think it's better if you're both here. So, what's going on?"**

**Simon and Tom looked at each other, both wishing the other would speak first.**

**"Guys, I said, what's going on? If it has to do with Matt, you have to tell me."**

**"It's just…"**

**"Tom, tell me!"**

**"It's just, we were talking to him in his office before…" Simon continued.**

**"And?"**

**"We think he's using…"**

**"Using? What do you mean?"**

**"We think he's… shooting up."**

**"No, Matt wouldn't do that." he told them defensively.**

**"Danny, we saw the needle marks on his arms." Tom said quietly.**

**"No, you're both wrong. I'll prove it to you." Danny jumped out of his chair and hastily made his way down the hall. He stormed into Matt's office and slammed the door hard against the wall. His colleagues followed slowly behind.**

**"What the…"**

**"Show me your arms."**

**"Excuse me?"**

**"Show me your freakin' arms."**

**"What the hell is wrong with you?" Matt yelled, realisation suddenly kicking in as to why Danny might want to see his arms.**

**"Let me see them!"**

**"I think you might want to calm down."**

**Danny walked around the desk grabbing a hold of Matt.**

**"Look at me, Matty."**

**"What the hell is the matter with you?"**

**"I swear to God, Matt, you saw what that shit did to me, if you're…"**

**"Well, I'm not."**

**Matt and Danny continued to stare at each other in silence. Danny was trying so hard to read Matt's face. He wanted to believe him, but there was something at the back of his mind telling him that this wasn't right. Matt hoped that Danny believed him, but without warning, Danny reached down and yanked up his shirt sleeves.**

**Matt quickly pulled his arms away from Danny.**

**"Just leave me alone."**

**"Leave you alone? I'm a drug addict Matt; I have to be one for the rest of my life. I'm not going to sit here and watch you screw up."**

**"Well, I'm not like you." Matt shot back as he tried to pass Danny to leave his office.**

**"Yeah? Because I don't want to see you go through what I went through Matty. I don't get what the hell you're doing. Our audience retention has dropped; do you think you're funnier when you're high or something?"**

**Danny pushed Matt against the wall as he passed by to stop him from leaving.**

**"Get the hell off me."**

**"Danny, just let him go."**

**"No, he needs to hear this Jordan. He's a big boy."**

**"Please, just let me go, I need to sit do..."**

**"What, are you that high right now that you can't stand here and look me in the face? Come on Matt, be a man and admit it."**

**"Danny, I'm not…"**

**"That's bullshit, and you know it. I can't understand why you'd do this to yourself after you saw what it did to me. I remember how good it felt when I shot up Matty, it was incredible, but I also remember what happened after that. Do you not remember how much pain I was in? Or how you had to sit with me in hospital after I OD'd on smack? Think about your family, because I sure as hell didn't. It ruined what I had with Jen; she left me because she hated who I had become, do you want that to happen to you? You have so many people who love you Matty, think about your nieces and nephews and how much they look up to you. Now imagine the looks on their faces when they find out what their uncle has been doing to himself."**

**"Danny, I…"**

**"I don't want to hear it Matty." Danny yelled.**

**Danny had felt Matt sink against him for support, but thought nothing of it until Matt passed out, his limp body collapsing against him.**

**"We need an ambulance!" Jordan cried frantically into her cell phone.**

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**I promise you I know where I'm going with this. I'd love to know what you think so far though, so please, keep reviewing. I really appreciate it!**

**Facing It Alone: Chapter Six**

**Danny had felt Matt sink against him for support, but thought nothing of it until Matt passed out, his limp body collapsing against him.**

"**We need an ambulance!" Jordan cried frantically into her cell phone.**

"**Matty, can you hear me? Open your eyes damnit!" Danny exclaimed as he gently tapped Matt's cheeks, hoping for a reaction.**

"**He's not responding. We don't know what do to." Jordan panicked to the 911 operator.**

"**Matt, please, just do something." He begged. **

"**Danny, lay him on his back... Place one hand on his forehead, gently tilt his head back and then lift his chin using two fingers, to help open up his airway. Now check if he's breathing." Jordan carefully repeated the instructions she was being given over the phone by the emergency service. **

"**Is he breathing?" Jordan asked anxiously. **

"**Fuck, I don't know." Danny muttered, putting his ear to Matt's mouth.**

"**Yeah, he's breathing."**

"**Okay, now roll him on to his side, lift his chin forward so his airway is open, place his hand under his cheek, to stop him rolling forward." Jordan instructed.**

"**Dear God, please look after him." Harriet whispered. "I need him."**

**Matt slowly opened his eyes, his head felt fuzzy as he struggled to focus on what was happening. He could hear Jordan and Danny fussing around him.**

"**He's awake!"**

"**Danny?"**

"**Hey Matty, you had us scared there for a moment." Danny said, crouching down next to Matt on the floor.**

"**What happened?" Matt asked groggily.**

"**You passed out. The ambulance is on its way." **

"**Kay." Matt squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop the small bright dots that had begun to appear. **

**Danny sat on the floor next to Matt until the paramedics arrived. It unnerved him slightly that Matt was so co operative about going to hospital. In all the years they'd been friends, he'd known Matt make up 100's of excuses to get out of going to the doctor. He even found a way out of having his required B12 shot from the studio nurse. **

"**Danny, the paramedics are here." Jordan told him, as she led them to where Matt was lying motionless on the floor.**

"**How are you feeling?" The paramedic asked as he knelt down next to Matt.**

"**Like crap."**

"**Okay, we're going to check a few things before we move you, is that okay?**

"**Yeah."**

"**Do you have any allergies?"**

"**Watermelon."**

"**Are you currently on any medications?"**

"**Yeah, they're in my jacket pocket." Matt told them quietly as he glanced over at Harriet.**

**Danny handed the tablets to the paramedic standing nearest to him.**

"**50mg of ****Cyclophosphamide and 15mg of Idarubicin?" Confirmed the paramedic. "Anything else?"**

"**Yeah, 10mg of Ativan."**

**Harriet, Jordan, and Danny shared a confused look. Matt hadn't mentioned being on any medication. **

"**You don't think he's using pills as well, do you?" Harriet asked in a hushed voice.**

"**I have no idea, but I swear to God, I'll kick his ass." **

"**Danny!" Jordan shook her head in disgust.**

"**What? Once he's better."**

"**Okay, well, we'd like to take you in for observation. You have a slight fever and your pulse is slightly raised, but this is common and usually nothing to worry about." The paramedic reassured them as they lifted Matt on to the stretcher.**

**XxXxX**

**Danny, Jordan and Harriet followed the ambulance in complete silence. Harriet sat in the back, silently praying to herself that Matt would be okay. **

"**Hi, can I help you?" The receptionist asked as they frantically ran into the ER.**

"**Our friend was just brought in." Danny exclaimed, slightly out of breath.**

"**His name's Matthew, Matthew Albie." Harriet finished.**

"**Ah yes, he was brought in about five minutes ago. Take a seat and I'll have a doctor come and speak to you."**

"**Thanks." Jordan said quietly, as they all took a seat in the waiting room.**

**XxXxX**

"**Is anyone here with Matthew Albie?"**

**Danny, Harriet and Jordan all stood up at once.**

"**Follow me." The doctor said, leading them into a private room.**

**They all introduced themselves before sitting down to be updated on Matt. **

"**Is he okay?" Harriet asked nervously.**

"**We've managed to get his temperature down to 100, which is a good sign. I believe he just has a virus; this is quite common in cancer patients as the chemotherapy weakens the immune system. So something as small as a cold, would affect him much more than it would you or I."**

"**Cancer?" Harriet stuttered.**

"**Yes. You said your name was Harriet Hayes, is that correct?" The doctor asked, as he looked at his clipboard confused.**

"**Yeah, that's me, why?"**

"**It's just, you're down as Matthew's next of kin, and so I'm a little surprised that he hasn't told you about his condition."**

"**He hasn't told any of us." Danny informed him. "What's exactly wrong?"**

"**Matthew has a****cute myeloid leukaemia, a disease that affects various white blood cells. This means cancerous cells are now accumulating in his bone marrow, replacing his normal blood cells around his body."**

"**So, what now?"**

"**For the type of leukaemia that Matthew has, we prefer to use a combination of treatments, including chemotherapy and oral medication."**

"**Okay, so when can you start?"**

"**We already have." Danny nodded, already guessing that was the case. **

"**The flu, my ass." He muttered. **

"**Can we see him yet?" Harriet asked anxiously.**

"**Of course. Only one at a time though." He smiled, leading them to Matthew's room.**

"**Go on, you first." Jordan pointed towards his room.**

**XxXxX**

"**Harriet." Matt ****immediately smiled when she walked into his room.**

"**Hey you." She whispered, moving the chair at the corner of the room and taking a seat next to his bed.**

"**I'm sorry." He told her, reaching out for her hand.**

"**Why didn't you tell me Matthew? I would have been there for you, **_**I'm**_** meant to be the one to look after you if anything happens." Harriet said quietly, tears starting to sting her eyes.**

**Matt looked away. "I'm sorry... It's just, I thought I could handle this alone, you know? No one would have been able to focus on the show if they knew about me."**

"**That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard Matthew. Why do you always have to be such an idiot? Urgh, I cannot be mad at you right now." She exclaimed.**

"**You sound mad though."**

"**I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at the situation."**

"**Isn't that the same thing?"**

"**No!" Harriet snapped. "I'm sorry…"**

**Matt nodded solemnly. "It's okay, I understand, it's a lot to take in."**

**All of a sudden, it hit her and she realised just how real this was. The tears that had threatened to fall only seconds before, slid steadily down her cheeks.**

"**Harri, come on, babe." Matt said softly. "Please don't cry. I hate it when you cry." **

"**It's just… God, Matthew, I can't live without you…" She trailed off, hiccupping slightly.**

"**Hey shh, you can't get rid of me that easily." He whispered back. "I'm not going anywhere, I promise." He gave her hand a tight squeeze, watching her cry quietly next to him.**

"**Matthew, I'm so sorry." Harriet said a few minutes later as she rubbed her eyes, drying the tears in the process.**

"**It's okay." Matt shot her a small smile, hoping it would ease her somewhat, but she didn't miss the fact that he had leaned back against the pillow, too weak to remain sitting up.**

"**I should let Danny have his turn. He's desperate to see you. I'll be in later to check up on you, okay… Matthew? … Matthew?"**

**All of a sudden, Matt's body started to shake violently and his eyes rolled back into his head. He could faintly hear Harriet calling his name as the room suddenly began to spin… Suddenly, everything went black.**

**XxXxX**

**Harriet instantly jumped up when Matt's doctor walked into the waiting room. **

"**He's awake now and doing a lot better. His fever has broken and we've given him some liquids intravenously to ensure he stays hydrated." **

"**What happened just now?" Danny asked worriedly. **

"**His fever had gotten so high that, he had what we call a grand mal seizure."**

"**And that is?" Danny asked, using his hand to emphasise that he wanted more information.**

"**It's a relatively common type of seizure, although it is most frequent in small children. It's when the fever rises quickly and the body is unable to control its own temperature. It's the body's way of ensuring the fever is broken."**

"**So he's okay?" **

"**He's doing absolutely fine. If he continues like this tonight, we'll be able to send him home tomorrow."**

"**Thank God." Jordan said, letting out a sigh of relief. **

"**We really should call his Mom, let her know what's happening." Danny suggested, reaching into his jacket pocket for his cell phone. "Hi, Mrs. Albie, it's Danny… Yes, Daniel Tripp. We're at Cedar Sinai Medical Centre in Los Angeles with Matt… He got ill at work… Yeah, he's absolutely fine now… Okay, we'll see you then."**

"**What did she say?" Harriet asked, as Danny hung up the phone.**

"**That she'll get here as soon as she can. She'll probably get the next flight out from New York."**

**XxXxX **

"**Is he okay, where is he?" Lizzy cried, as she ran in to the waiting room, followed closely behind by Jack Rudolph.**

"**What the hell? Have we lost the entire middle section of the United States, because I JUST called you 20 minutes ago?"**

"**I've been staying with Matthew." She explained.**

"**Since when?"**

"**Since he told me he was unwell..."**

"**Oh, when was that?"**

"**Could we maybe do this later? Where's Matt?" Jack asked impatiently.**

"**How the hell did you get here? I didn't call you, did I?" Danny shot Jack a confused look.**

"**No."**

"**Jordan, did you phone Jack?"**

"**No, I've been with you the whole time…"**

"**Are you sure I didn't call you?"**

"**No… Lizzy called me."**

"**You call her Lizzy?" **

"**Well that is her name, Danny."**

"**No, her name's Mrs. Albie."**

"**Danny, just stop talking and show us where Matt is."**

**XxXxX**

**Lizzy sat on the corner of Matt's bed and held his clammy hand in between hers. **

"**Hey, sweetheart. You feeling any better?" **

"**Yeah, I'm fine now, Mom."**

"**You're not fine, Matthew." **

"**Okay, I'm not **_**fine, **_**but I feel a lot better than I did when they brought me in."**

"**I told you, you weren't ready to go back to work." Lizzy said, shaking her head firmly. "Why didn't you listen to me?"**

"**Because…"**

"**Because what?"**

"**Because I don't just want to sit at home and feel sorry for myself." Matt said, looking away.**

"**Sit at home and feel sorry for yourself? For heaven's sake, it's not like you're sitting at home with a cold, you have Leukaemia, Matthew. The sooner you accept that, the better." Lizzy told him seriously.**

"**I have accepted it Mom. I am aware that what I have could kill me."**

"**Excuse me for a moment." Lizzy said sombrely, standing up and excusing herself from the room.**

**XxXxX**

"**Lizzy?" Harriet exclaimed, as she watched Matt's mom hastily make her way out of the hospital. "I should go and see if she's okay." **

**Jordan looked around the waiting room and realised she was alone. Harriet had gone after Matt's Mom; Jack had gone looking for Danny after their disagreement about him knowing about Matt before him.**

"**I suppose I should go and see how Matt's doing.' Jordan said, talking to no one in particular.**

**XxXxX**

"**Hey. Are you okay? Sorry, I know that's a stupid question." Harriet said, as she took a seat next to Lizzy on a bench outside the hospital.**

"**It's finally hit me. My baby has a life threatening disease and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it." Lizzy said, crying softly into her hands.**

"**I think just you being here is helping him."**

"**I wouldn't be surprised if he wanted me to leave… I've been such a terrible Mom to him."**

"**If he wanted you to leave, would he have called you and asked you to stay with him? He didn't even tell us how sick he was, but he told **_**you**_**."**

"**I can't lose him, Harriet."**

"**Shhh, you won't lose him." Harriet whispered as she wrapped her arm around Lizzy's shoulder.**

"**But what if…"**

"**No what ifs Lizzy. We can't think like that. We have to be strong for Matthew… I hope this won't offend you, but I've asked my church group to say a prayer for him."**

"**Matthew was right about you all along." Lizzy let slip, as she wiped her tear stained cheeks. **

"**What do you mean?" Harriet asked, chewing her lip nervously.**

"**That you're one of a kind."**

**Harriet paused for a moment, letting Lizzy's words sink in. "He really said that?"**

"**Yes he did. Does that surprise you?"**

"**A little." Harriet smiled slightly. "Come on, let's go inside."**

**XxXxX**

"**Hey." Matt acknowledged Jordan, when she walked into his room.**

"**How are you feeling?"**

"**A lot bet…" Matt began.**

"**You do know that Danny wants to kick your ass the moment you're feeling better." Jordan interrupted.**

"**I know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys. I wasn't thinking straight."**

"**I understand… He'll still want to kick your ass though." Jordan laughed slightly.**

"**I bet he will."**

**XxXxX**

"**Okay, your fever's gone, your stats are fine, so we're happy to send you home." The doctor told Matt the following day.**

"**Thank you." Matt said, hopping off the bed.**

"**You **_**really**_** have to take it easy though. We need you as healthy as possible for your next round of chemo next week."**

"**I understand."**

"**Taking it easy means; bed rest and plenty of fluids. Keep up the antibiotics like we discussed, and carry on with your usual medication." The doctor instructed, looking over at Lizzy, making sure she understood just how important these instructions were.**

"**We'll take good care of him." Lizzy smiled, picking Matt's bag up.**

"**I know you will." The doctor smiled back. "We'll see you bright and early in the oncology department on Monday."**

**XxXxX**

"**You don't have to come back with me, you know?" Matt said, as they got into the back of Jack's car to go home.**

"**I know I don't, but I want to." Harriet said softly, raising her eyes to look at Matt.**

"**Thanks." Matt responded drowsily, snuggling down to rest his head on her shoulder, allowing the smooth lull from the car to send him to sleep.**

**TBC**

**  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**How sad! By the time most of you will have read this, the very last episode of Studio 60 will have aired. I just want to say to everyone involved in the show, thank you for bringing us such an amazing television program, it's just sad NBC couldn't see how fantastic it was!**

**Thanks to EVERYONE for all your reviews, please keep them coming - I really appreciate them!  
**

**Red Bess Rackham, hehe thank you. I do try and do some research before I write, so that is sounds as accurate as possible.**

**Facing It Alone: Chapter 7**

"**You don't have to come back with me, you know?" Matt said, as they got into the back of Jack's car to go home.**

"**I know I don't, but I want to." Harriet said softly, raising her eyes to look at Matt.**

"**Thanks." Matt responded drowsily, snuggling down to rest his head on her shoulder, allowing the smooth lull from the car to send him to sleep.**

**XxXxX **

**"You know, you don't have to do this, right?" Matt said as he walked into his bedroom, placing his bag on to his bed.**

**"Don't you want me to stay over?"**

**"It's just I'll be fine by myself, Harri. My Mom's right down the hall."**

**"I just thought I'd give her a break, that's all."**

**"Urgh, that means she'll spend more of her time with Jack."**

**"Is there something going on between those two?"**

**"Please please please, do not put ideas like that into my head."**

**"Matthew's got a new Daddy." Harriet teased.**

**"If you're not careful, I'll have Daddy fire your ass." Matt laughed. "Right, I need the bathroom."**

**"Will you be okay?"**

**"It's really not that much effort to pee, but thanks for your offer." Matt grinned slightly. "Help yourself to something to wear."**

**Harriet watched Matt carefully as he took his toiletries out from his bag, and made his way slowly to the bathroom.**

**She remembered where he kept everything, so it didn't take her long to find something comfortable to wear.**

**She was about to get changed when Matt walked out of the bathroom.**

**"Find anything?"**

**"Yeah, are these okay?" Harriet asked, waving a black t-shirt and matching boxers in the air.**

**"My NYU shirt is in that drawer, if you want."**

**"Aw, you remembered!"**

**"Harri, we dated for five years, it's pretty much all I ever saw you in… Except when you took it off." Matt winked, showing Harriet he was only joking.**

**"Okay, you need to get ready for bed."**

**"Turn around then."**

**"Matthew, I've seen you naked before."**

**"But that was when we were dating, this is different."**

**"Urgh fine." Harriet said, turning around.**

**After a couple of minutes of listening to Matt struggle to get changed by himself, she turned around to face him.**

**"Harriet!" he shrieked.**

**"What?! You have clothes on, You haven't even gotten changed yet!"**

**"But you didn't know that." He replied, sulking a little.**

**"Would you like me to help you?" Harriet asked, already sure what his answer would be.**

**Matt nodded slightly. "It really hurts to lift my arms up."**

**Harriet knelt on the floor, in between Matt's legs as he sat on the bed. "I promise to be careful."**

**"Do it gently, okay?" Matt said, grimacing slightly.**

**"I'm always gentle." Harriet teased, as she slowly lifted Matt's arms up and carefully pulled his t-shirt over his head. "Do they hurt?" she asked, lightly tracing her fingers over the deep purple bruises on his arms.**

**"A little." He winced.**

**"Are you two okay?" Lizzy asked, as her and Jack walked into the bedroom, stopping abruptly when they saw Harriet kneeling between Matt's legs.**

**"Hmm, maybe we should grab a coffee out or something, leave these kids alone." Jack said, clearly uncomfortable with the situation.**

**"Don't forget that you're not well, Matthew." Lizzy warned, gesturing between the two of them.**

**"Lizzy, I'm sure they'll be fine." Jack reassured her, eager to remove himself from the situation as soon as possible.**

**"Just make sure that Harriet does all the work." They heard Lizzy yell from behind the closed door.**

**"That was awkward." Harriet laughed.**

**"What? Having my Mom or our boss walk in on me half-naked and you, sitting like _that_?" Matt pointed to Harriet, still kneeling between his legs.**

**"You never used to complain…"**

**"My mom _never _walked in on us."**

**"I was talking about Jack." Harriet chuckled slightly.**

**"And we certainly never used to have this argument during _it_ either."**

**"Probably because you never knew he walked in until afterwards." Harriet pointed out. "Now, do you want a shower before we put your PJ's on?"**

**"You wouldn't be trying to take advantage of me because I'm sick, would you Miss Hayes?"**

**Harriet smiled faintly and rolled her eyes at him.**

**"Because I'd be okay with that..."**

**"Go and wash that dirty mind of yours"**

**"Hey! You were the one offering to give me a showe..."**

**"GO!" Harriet laughed, watching him make his way to the bathroom, returning a few minutes later, with a towel around his waist and his hair wet.**

**"Can you put my shirt on now please?"**

**"Come here then." She said, patting the bed next to her."**

**"Thanks. Now close your eyes while I put my shorts on."**

**"Urgh, are we doing this again…? "**

**"Just close your eyes."**

**"Fine."**

**"Harri…" Matt whined a couple of minutes later. "Help me."**

**"I promise I won't look… Much" Harriet teased, going back to her position on the floor.**

**"De ja vu" Matt grinned mischievously.**

**"You really should behave yourself; you're in a very vulnerable position."**

**"I love it when you talk dirty."**

**Harriet rolled her eyes as she got up off the floor. "Now, go to bed."**

**"Kay." Matt replied, climbing in under the covers.**

**"Scootch over" Harriet said, climbing in next to him.**

**"Oh, you're staying in here with me?"**

**"Is that a problem?"**

**"No, I just thought you'd want the spare room."**

**"Jack's in there… Unless he found somewhere cosier to sleep"**

**"Ewww, excuse me while I throw up all over you… But since when did he move in? I think he's forgotten he has a home to go to. Want me to kick him out for you?"**

**"Don't you want me to stay with you?"**

**"No, of course I do." He moved over slightly to allow more room for Harriet. "Now, don't steal all the covers." He smiled at her.**

**XxXxX**

**After lying silently in bed for twenty minutes, Matt quietly cleared his throat.**

**"Harri, you awake?"**

**"Hmm… Are you okay?" Harriet asked, concern in her voice, rolling over to face him.**

**"I'm cold."**

**"Come here." She said, pulling him in to a hug.**

**"I can't sleep."**

**"Wanna talk?" She asked, resting her head lightly on his chest.**

**"You sure? You're not too tired?"**

**"No, I can't sleep either."**

**"****Kay." He said, snuggling up to Harriet.**

**"****What do you want to talk about?" She asked.**

**"****Anything you want."**

**"Can you believe Jordan's about to have her baby?" she asked.**

**"****I know, it's so exciting. I can't wait to finally meet her."**

**"****Aww really?"**

**"****Yeah, why do you sound so surprised by that?" He smiled.**

**"****Remember when Kayla from wardrobe brought her baby in last year? I clearly remember you staying on the other side of the room for the entire day."**

**"****This is different though, she'll be Danny's, which means, I'll be her uncle."**

**"****You do realise you two aren't actually related, right?" She teased, turning her head to look at him.**

**"****You know what I mean though. I can't wait to spoil her, that's an uncle's job, right?"**

**"****You'll be great."**

**"****Thanks." He said, lightly running his fingers down her back.**

**"****Do you like having your Mom here?" she asked, genuinely interested to hear his answer.**

**"****Yeah, it's been nice. I just wish I hadn't left it until, well you know…" he stammered slightly over his words. "But what's done is done. I'm just glad she's here now. We still have a lot to work out, but we're getting there."**

**"****She loves you, you know?"**

**"****Yeah…"**

**"****Yeah, she does. She knows she made a lot of mistakes when you were growing up, but she's working on them."**

**"****How come you and my Mom wait until _after _****we've broken up to become friends?" He laughed, running his nails gently up and down her arm.**

**"****I've missed this." Harriet sighed contently, wrapping her arm tighter around Matt's waist. "I'm not hurting you, am I?" She asked worriedly.**

**"****No, you're good."**

**"****Do you miss… us?" Harriet whispered.**

**"Are you kidding me? Harri, a day doesn't go by when I don't hate myself for the horrible things I have said and done to you."**

**"Matthew, we don't have to do this now. I didn't mean to bring this up, especially tonight"**

**"No, please, let me say it."**

**"Matthew…"**

**"I know me never proposing was hard for you…"**

**"Matthew, please" Harriet interrupted, sitting up slightly so she was resting on her arm.**

**"Harri, I have to say this, okay? I know me never proposing was really hard for you, but I want you to know, it was on my mind… A _lot_, hell, I even bought you a ring. "**

**"I don't understand." Harriet said quietly.**

**"Remember that night we went to Spago's on Sunset with Josh and Donna?"**

**"I remember that night… Well, you acted like a complete idiot."**

**"Right… Well, I'd already bought you your ring, and was planning on proposing that weekend…"**

**"What made you change your mind?" Harriet asked softly.**

**"You."**

**"What?"**

**"I over-heard you talking to Donna when you were in the bathroom… you said that you'd always told yourself that you'd never marry anyone outside of your faith."**

**"Are you kidding me? Do you know what I said _after_ that?"**

**"No, but I'm guessing you're going to tell me."**

**"Damn right I am. I said 'I've always told myself that I'd never marry anyone outside of my faith, but, if Matthew were to ask me, I'd say _yes_.'"**

**"Oh."**

**"We dated for five years, I made it clear to you that I was upset that you'd never proposed. Did you even think about why I'd be upset about that, if I was not willing to marry you?"**

**"No…"**

**"You're such an idiot." Harriet told him, before silently thinking about it all for a moment. "So, is there any chance I can see this ring then?"**

**"No. Not if there's a chance I may get to use it on you one day. Do you think I'll get my chance?" He asked, his voice sounding hoarse.**

**"Are you asking me out?" Harriet whispered.**

**"Are you saying yes?" Matt asked hopefully.**

**Harriet nodded, before leaning her head against his. "I wish you'd told me this sooner."**

**"I'm sorry." Matt said, leaning forward to kiss her.**

**"Good girls don't kiss on their first date."**

**"Harriet, you're sharing my bed…"**

**"Good point. So, are you going to kiss me or not?"**

**"Yes, I am." Matt said, as he leaned forward; and pressed his lips firmly against hers. He felt a sudden surge of energy rush through him. "You make fighting this so much easier."**

**"You give up, Matthew, and I will kill you." She said, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his cheek tenderly.**

**"I won't."**

**"Let's keep this between us, okay? Take things slowly. I want us to work out this time."**

**"Sounds like a plan." He said, leaning in for one more kiss.**

**"Now we both need to try and get some sleep. You're meant to be taking it easy, remember?" Harriet reminded him, as she leaned across and turned out the light.**

**"I'm not sleepy though." He whined, a small yawn escaping when he spoke.**

**"Come on, sleepy head." She said, as she gently cuddled up next to him.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt woke up early the next morning to some noise outside his door. He smiled, slightly when he realised he was spooning Harriet. He'd missed this; her soft skin against his and the sweet smell of her passion fruit shampoo. He inhaled deeply before quietly getting out of bed and seeing what all the commotion outside his room was about. When he opened the door, he saw a tray filled with breakfast for two. He walked over to Harriet quietly, before placing the tray on the bedside table.**

**"Morning babe." He said, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.**

**"Morning." Harriet sat up and stretched a little. Matt loved the cute little noise she made when she did. "What's this?" She asked, seeing the breakfast tray next to her.**

**"I made you breakfast." Matt told her proudly.**

**"You what? You're meant to be taking it easy. Does that mean nothing to you?" She exclaimed.**

**"Hey calm down, I didn't really make it."**

**"But you said…"**

**"I was trying to be cute." He smiled. "I woke up to find it on the floor outside the door."**

**"Come on then. What do you want; a blueberry muffin or a croissant?" She asked, patting the bed next to her.**

**"Eh, I'm not really hungry." He shrugged.**

**"Eat it." She said, thrusting the blueberry muffin in to his hand.**

**XxXxX**

**After breakfast, Harriet helped Lizzy clean up the kitchen, while Matt went back to bed. As they both went to sit down in the living room with a cup of coffee, the doorbell rung.**

**"I'll get it." Harriet offered, putting her drink down.**

**"Thanks sweetheart."**

**Harriet smiled when she opened the door.**

**"Hey you."**

**"Hey. How is he?" Danny asked uneasily.**

**"He's good. He's in his room. Why don't you go and see for yourself."**

**"Yeah…"**

**"Danny, he isn't angry at you." Harriet reassured him.**

**"He should be."**

**"Well, he isn't. Now go on." Harriet said, gently pushing Danny towards Matt's room.**

**Danny made his way to Matt's room, pausing nervously outside, before knocking.**

**"Can I come in?" He called through the closed door.**

**"Danny? Yeah, come in."**

**"How are you?" Danny asked, closing the door behind him.**

**"I'm exhausted, but I'm feeling a lot better."**

**Danny carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. "God, Matt. I'm so sorry about the other day. I was way out of line."**

**"Danny, forget it, okay? I know I have."**

**"I can't forget it, Matt. The way I spoke to you was wrong and I apologise. I accused you of things, which I shouldn't have. But damn it, Matt, why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you tell me you weren't well?" Danny yelled, suddenly losing his cool.**

**"Danny, lighten up."**

**"Lighten up? Matt, I thought you were doing drugs. Do you know how God damn scared that made me? I know what it's like to be fucked up to your eyeballs on smack. The thought of you doing that to yourself, after you knew what it did to me… I guess I just flipped out." Danny ranted, as he paced around the room.**

**"I'm sorry."**

**Danny stopped pacing the room and turned to look at Matt, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "I just don't get why you didn't tell me. You're like my little brother, Matty. Why didn't you come to me?"**

**"It's just…" Matt leant his head back against the headboard and closed his eyes. He knew he should have told Danny what was going on, but he didn't want to bother him.**

**"It's just what?"**

**"I didn't want to bother you… You have your own family to worry about now…"**

**"Matty, you _are_ my family. Me being with Jordan doesn't change that." Danny insisted.**

**"I realise that _now_. I wanted to tell you."**

**"I just can't believe you told Jack before me." Danny said, kicking his shoes off and making himself comfy on the opposite side of the bed.**

**"Trust me, that was not by choice. I bumped into him at the hospital, and he worked it out."**

**"Okay, I forgive you."**

**"Gee, thanks."**

**"So what's going on with your Mom and Jack?" Danny asked with a small smile.**

**"Urgh, not you as well.**

**"A year ago, who would have thought that I'd be engaged to the president of NBS and Jack Rudolph would be your new Daddy?" Danny teased, choking a little from laughing at his own joke.**

**XxXxX**

**Later that day, Matt and Harriet lay on his bed. Harriet had just finished giving herself a French manicure and Matt was engrossed in infomercials on T.V.**

**"You okay babe? You're being really quiet" Harriet asked, blowing cool air over her fingernails.**

**"Hmm?"**

**"I said, are you okay?"**

**"Yeah, why?" Matt replied, not taking his eyes off of the screen.**

**"Because you're watching golf infomercials."**

**"So?"**

**Harriet sighed. "You don't even play golf Matthew."**

**"But do you know why I don't play golf? Because I don't have any bats."**

**"Clubs."**

**"Huh?"**

**"Golf clubs, not bats."**

**"Yeah, whatever." Matt yawned, his eyes still fixed on the shiny metal objects on T.V.**

**"So, I was thinking, what time's your appointment on Monday?"**

**"Uh, like 8 something."**

**"8 something? Could you maybe be a little more precise?" Harriet sighed.**

**"I'm sorry, 8.23 A.M."**

**"Okay. Well, we'll take you in my car, saves your Mom having to drive. I know how much she hates driving out here in LA." Harriet suggested, ignoring Matt's sarcastic reply as she moved on to paint her toes.**

**"I don't need someone to come with me and hold my hand, Harriet. I'm capable of going on my own." Matt said, nervously flicking channels on the T.V.**

**"So, you don't want me to come with you?" Harriet's voice gave away how upset she was by his honesty.**

**"No."**

**Harriet reached over and grabbed the remote control out of Matt's hand and turned off the T.V.**

**"Matthew, what the hell is wrong with you?" She spat.**

**"What the hell is wrong with me? Have you missed something?" He yelled, climbing off the bed.**

**"Matthew!"**

**"I'm dying Harriet, _that _is what's wrong with me."**

**"Matthew, please don't say that." She begged, tears beginning to sting her eyes.**

**"It's time to face facts, Harriet. I can't pretend that we're going to live happily ever after, because I don't even know if I'm going to live!" He shouted, before walking in to the bathroom and slamming the door.**

**Harriet heard the bath running. She decided to wait a few minutes before entering, giving Matt a chance to cool off.**

**When Harriet entered the bathroom a few minutes later, clouds of steam instantly hit her. She looked over and could see Matt lying down in the bath, with a washcloth covering his face.**

**"What was that all about babe?" Harriet asked, kneeling down next to Matthew in the bath.**

**"I'm so sorry." The washcloth muffled his reply.**

**"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about." She told him, removing the washcloth from his face. She could see he'd been crying. "Aw, baby." She leaned forward and kissed his damp cheek.**

**"Harri, you don't need this, you don't need to deal with all of this now. I love you. I want us to be together, but… If you want to go, I'll understand."**

**"Matthew…"**

**"Harriet, I'm giving you a way out."**

**"Thank you for the offer Matthew, but I don't want it. I want to be with you."**

**"They said I might not be able to have children after my treatment…" He said, avoiding eye contact with her.**

**"So?"**

**"You want kids though, Harriet, I know you do."**

**"Matthew, as long as you and I are together, I'm happy." She smiled.**

**"But, I know you want kids Harri…"**

**"Do you know how many options are out there?" She asked him, running her fingers through his wet hair.**

**"Thank you."**

**"What for? For falling in love with you all those years ago? Because you're welcome." She smiled as she began to get undressed, happy to have lightened the moment.**

**"Now I like where this is going." He grinned, watching her climb into the tub and settling herself behind him.**

**"Lean back." She said, plunging the sponge into the bath and squeezing the warm water on to Matt's chest. "Does that feel nice?"**

**"Mmmm." He sighed, relaxing into her arms. "What I said before… You know I didn't mean it, right? I really want you to come with me on Monday."**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Yeah." He smiled, turning his head slightly, allowing Harriet to lean down and kiss him. "This is just what the doctor ordered." He sighed.**

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**Did you know that you can now pre order your Studio 60 DVD's from Amazon? They don't come out until October, but yay, at least we have an official release date!**

**Please read and review. I love to know what you guys think!!!  
**

**Facing It Alone: Chapter Eight**

**When Harriet entered the bathroom a few minutes later, clouds of steam instantly hit her. She looked over and could see Matt lying down in the bath, with a washcloth covering his face.**

**"What was that all about babe?" Harriet asked, kneeling down next to Matthew in the bath.**

**"I'm so sorry." The washcloth muffled his reply.**

**"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry about." She told him, removing the washcloth from his face. She could see he'd been crying. "Aw, baby." She leaned forward and kissed his damp cheek.**

**"Harri, you don't need this, you don't need to deal with all of this now. I love you. I want us to be together, but… If you want to go, I'll understand."**

**"Matthew…"**

**"Harriet, I'm giving you a way out."**

**"Thank you for the offer Matthew, but I don't want it. I want to be with you."**

**"They said I might not be able to have children after my treatment…" He said, avoiding eye contact with her.**

**"So?"**

**"You want kids though, Harriet, I know you do."**

**"Matthew, as long as you and I are together, I'm happy." She smiled.**

**"But, I know you want kids Harri…"**

**"Do you know how many options are out there?" She asked him, running her fingers through his wet hair.**

**"Thank you."**

**"What for? For falling in love with you all those years ago? Because you're welcome." She smiled as she began to get undressed, happy to have lightened the moment.**

**"Now I like where this is going." He grinned, watching her climb into the tub and settling herself behind him.**

**"Lean back." She said, plunging the sponge into the bath and squeezing the warm water on to Matt's chest. "Does that feel nice?"**

**"Mmmm." He sighed, relaxing into her arms. "What I said before… You know I didn't mean it, right? I really want you to come with me on Monday."**

**"Yeah?"**

**"Yeah." He smiled, turning his head slightly, allowing Harriet to lean down and kiss him. "This is just what the doctor ordered." He sighed.**

**"Now, sit up so I can wash your hair." Harriet said, reaching for the shampoo.**

**"You have to be kidding me?" She said, laughing at the bottle.**

**"What?"**

**"Shampoo, conditioner _and_ shower gel, rolled into one?"**

**"What's your point?"**

**"That is so lazy!"**

**"Hey, it cuts down on my shower time."**

**"It cuts down on the crap in your bathroom, that's for sure." She teased, as she soothingly massaged the soapy substance in to his head.**

**"That feels _really_ good."**

**"Yeah?" Harriet smiled as she squeezed some more shampoo on to her hands. "Apparently this has a fresh clean masculine scent to it." She laughed as she scrunched up her nose and took a sniff.**

**"Are you mocking my manly products?" He teased, pretending to be insulted.**

**"Yes."**

**"I'm offended." Matt grinned, beating his chest with his fists.**

**"Calm down, Tarzan."**

**XxXxX**

**An hour later, Matt and Harriet lay in bed, their naked bodies entwined.**

**"You feeling okay?" Harriet asked, as she turned her head around slightly to look at Matt.**

**"Yeah, I'm just tired."**

**"Do you feel sick?"**

**Harriet's question made Matt roll onto his side so that he was facing her.**

**"A little. I just feel as though I have a really bad case of flu."**

**"Oh."**

**"It's the chemotherapy that makes me feel sick."**

**"Does it hurt?" Harriet asked, lightly running her fingers up and down his chest. "No, it stings a bit when they put the IV in, but that's it." He explained, as he pointed to the purpling bruises on the crook of his elbow. **

**"Can you feel it going in? You don't mind me asking you, do you?" Harriet asked nervously.**

**"Of course I don't." "I won't be upset if you don't want to discuss it. You kept it to yourself at the beginning, so I'd understand." "Harriet. Look at me… I honestly don't mind discussing it with you . I want to talk to you about it. It's not good for me to keep it all to myself." **

**"Okay, if you're sure. So, can you feel it?"**

**"A little. It feels really cold at first, but then your body gets used to it." "Is that it, it doesn't hurt?" **

**"It can ache a little when it goes through your veins, but it doesn't hurt." Matt tried to explain.**

**"Are you scared?" **

**"Yeah, I am. When the doctor first told me, it didn't feel real, you know? I think that's one of the main reasons I kept it to myself. When it was just me who knew, I could pretend it was a dream, but now, talking to you… I know it's real."**

**"Aw, Matthew."**

**"Going through that first week of chemotherapy alone was frightening. I thought I was strong, and that I'd be able to handle it, but I was wrong. " He whispered, playing with a lose piece of cotton from his blanket. "I felt so bad, I actually wanted to die."**

**"Matthew, please don't talk like that." Harriet pleaded.**

**"Don't worry babe, I don't feel like that now." He reassured her, as he leaned in for a kiss. "Especially now that I have you here with me."**

**"Really?" Harriet could feel the tears stinging her already puffy eyes.**

**"Shhh, don't cry, baby." Matt soothed, holding her warm body tightly against his. "God, Harri, I already feel so much stronger with you beside me." **

**XxXxX**

**"Once we've changed the sheets, we'll get to work on his pjamas, they could also do with a good wash."**

**He must be dreaming. Matt's eyes shot open when he felt the sheet underneath him being pulled out. **

**"What the…?" **

**"Shh, baby, go back to sleep." Harriet replied quietly. **

**"How can I go back to sleep? You're literally changing the bed that I'm sleeping in."**

**"We'll be finished in a minute, Matthew. His mom sighed, as she roughly rolled him over, so she was able to tug the bottom sheet out from the beneath him. **

**"Ouch."**

**"Stop being so over dramatic." Lizzy said, as she yanked the pillow out from under his head.**

**"Harriet!" Matt whined. "Make her stop!"**

**Harriet gave Matt a slightly guilty look. "Aww, baby. Come here." She said, leaning in for a cuddle, but quickly removed his t-shirt in the process.**

**Matt crossed his arms, flinching slightly. "I feel violated."**

**"You'll get over it." Harriet laughed, as she threw a clean shirt over his head.**

**"What the hell are you two doing anyway?" Matt yawned, still half asleep.**

**"We're having a picnic. What does it look like we're doing? Now lift your feet up." Lizzy urged, rolling her eyes.**

**Matt watched Harriet and his Mom methodically clean his room - disinfecting, dusting, vacuuming and polishing to ensure a germ-free environment. **

**"You don't think this is a little… Obsessive?" Matt asked subtly as he watched Harriet carefully clean in between the blinds in his room.**

**"Obsessive? Would you like to get an infection next week, Matthew? Because that is what will happen if you're not careful. Don't forget you're having a central line put in on Monday, and that also requires a germ free environment." Lizzy argued.**

**"I know, I know. I'm just saying… is it really necessary to wipe down every single CD I own?"**

**"Dust gets everywhere Matthew. It doesn't just conveniently fall in places where you can see it." Lizzy teased.**

**"I don't think I've ever seen you dust before." Harriet joined in.**

**"I'm hardly here, that's why."**

**"As soon as you're feeling better, we'll clean out your office."**

**"Thanks, Mom. I don't know what I'd do without you." Matt laughed bitterly.**

**"Matthew. You could at least act grateful." Lizzy warned. **

**"Sorrrry." Matt muttered sarcastically, producing a large fake grin. **

**"See what I had to put up with when he was growing up." Lizzy sighed, as she hit the power button on the vacuum with her foot and started vacuuming manically under his bed. **

**XxXxX**

**Matt was sitting in the living room, his head resting on Harriet's shoulder, as they watched Maury on television.**

**"Why would anyone agree to go on that show in the first place?" Matt asked in a puzzled voice.**

**"Maybe they think someone special is going to surprise them?" **

**"The only surprise they're going to get is that their wives have been cheating on them with their brothers, and the child they love with all their heart isn't even theirs."**

**"Don't you think they deserve to know the truth though? Some people may find it hard to convey what they're really feeling, and need Maury's help."**

**"So, it's okay that they break their partners' hearts in front of millions of people?"**

**Harriet bit her lip uncertainly. "I guess you're right."**

**"I love how you try and see the good in everyone, It's really _really_ cute." Matt told her as he leaned in for a soft kiss.**

**"Are you ready for tomorrow?" Lizzy interrupted as she walked into the living room. **

**"Eh."**

**"Don't you think you should be packing then, instead of necking with Harriet?"**

**"Mom, no one says necking anymore." Matt laughed, as he untangled himself from Harriet.**

**"Well, whatever you call it, you won't be able to do any of that next week."**

**"I know, which is why I was enjoying it now."**

**"Speaking of next week, I've had an idea."**

**"Uh oh." Matt teased, laughing slightly, until Lizzy shot him a look.**

**"Maybe we should wax your chest."**

**"Excuse me?"**

**"Maybe we should wax your chest." Lizzy repeated slowly.**

**"No, I heard what you said… but, uh, why?"**

**"I just thought it would make sense."**

**Matt shot her a look as if to say he didn't have a clue what she was on about.**

**"What? Why would that make sense?"**

**"I just thought that with you having your central line fitted tomorrow, it might make it easier to keep clean." Lizzy suggested.**

**"I think I'll be okay."**

**"I was just trying to be helpful Matthew. It said online that the area must be kept sterile at all times."**

**"How the hell did you work out how to get online?" Matt asked, gesturing enthusiastically to the computer in the corner of the room.**

**"Jack showed me."**

**"Urgh, Jack needs to go and play with his own Mom, and leave mine alone." **

**"Matthew." She scolded. "Don't be silly darling, Jack doesn't see me as a Mother figure, our relationship is more…"**

**"Please, God. I beg you not to finish that sentence." He said, his fingers ready to be placed in his ears.**

**"I was going to say, our relationship is more friendship oriented."**

**"Oh, that's okay then."**

**"But would it really bother you that much to know your Mom has a healthy, active sex life?"**

**Matt choked a little on the glass of water he'd started to drink. **

**"You and Jack are…" He couldn't bring himself to finish the sentence.**

**"No, no. But why does it sicken you so much to know that your Mom gets pleasure from sex so much? Don't you think that before your father died we enjoyed a happy sex life?"**

**"Oh my God, how did we even get on to _this_? No, I never thought about you and Dad… You know… _ever!_"**

**"Don't you think "old people" have sex then, Matthew?"**

**"Old people have sex. My Mom doesn't."**

**"Is that so?" Lizzy asked, taking a seat opposite Matt.**

**"I think I'm going to finish packing my bag for tomorrow." Matt said awkwardly, as he made his way quickly out of the room.**

**Lizzy proudly rubbed her hands together. "I knew that would do it."**

**XxXxX**

**That night, Matt and Harriet lay contentedly entwined in his bed. Harriet's head was resting comfortably on Matt's chest, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, pulling her in close.**

**"Mmm, this is really nice." She mumbled.**

**"Yeah? You know what would make this even better?" Matt whispered seductively into Harriet's ear.**

**"And what's that?" Harriet asked quietly, as Matt softly nibbled on her neck.**

**"I think we should have sex."**

**Harriet let out a quiet laugh. "I don't think so." She said, as she untangled herself from his grasp.**

**"Aw, why not?" he asked, as he snaked his arm around her waist.**

**"Because you're not well, Matthew."**

**"Sooo." He whined. "It will make me feel better."**

**"Matthew."**

**"Oh come on, Harri." Matt begged, his voice husky. "Let me make love to you… Like you want me to… And I'll hold you tight… Baby all through the night… I'll make love to you… When you want me to… And I will not let go… Till you tell me to…"**

**"Matthew Albie, did you just quote Boys II Men to try and get me to sleep with you?" She laughed.**

**"Did it work?" He asked her hopefully, as he rested his chin on her arm.**

**"Come here you big dumbass." Harriet giggled, as she rolled on top of Matt, she kissed him softly and smiled against his lips. "Mmmm." She moaned.**

**"I told you this would make our night that bit better."**

**"Shut up and kiss me."**

**XxXxX**

**"Good morning." Emma, Matt's oncology nurse greeted him cheerfully the next morning.**

**"Hi. Oh, Emma, this is my girlfriend Harriet." Matt waved his fingers around at the two girls.**

**"So, you're the infamous Harriet Hayes? Matthew has told us all about you." Emma smiled, as she noticed Matt's cheeks flush a deep shade of pink.**

**"All nice things I hope." Harriet replied shyly.**

**"Of course." Emma smiled at the couple that were totally besotted with each other. "Okay, so you understand that you're having a central line fitted today, right?" **

**Matt nodded slowly.**

**"Is there anything you'd like to ask about the procedure before you go down to surgery?" Emma asked, looking between the two of them.**

**"Can you explain what it is? We've not really talked about it." Harriet asked, biting her lip nervously."**

**"Of course. It's a relatively minor procedure. A central line is a long hollow tube, made from silicone rubber. We'll put you under, and you'll be down in the operating room for about 15 minutes. They then insert the central line under the skin of your chest into a vein. The tip of the tube sits in a large vein just above your heart. Them, at the end of the tube, outside your body, we can attach a syringe or drip line to administer your medication. We'll give you a couple of hours to recover from the anaesthetic, and then we'll begin your chemotherapy."**

**"Okay…" Harriet nodded anxiously.**

**"I know it's hard, but try not to worry. It sounds a lot more daunting than it actually is." Emma reassured them both. "You ready to go?"**

**"Yep." Matt said, as he squeezed Harriet's hand.**

**"I'll be here when you wake up, baby."**

**"I love you." He called back, as he was being wheeled down the corridor.**

**XxXxX**

**"Can you hear me, Matthew? Wake up sweetheart, you're in recovery. Everything went perfectly." Emma said, as she held his hand. "Come on, wake up sleepy head."**

**"Is Harriet here?" He asked, licking his dry lips.**

**"Yeah, she's waiting for you in your room. As soon as you feel okay, we'll take you back."**

**"I want to see her now."**

**"Okay, sweetheart, let's go." Emma smiled, lifting the bar up on his bed; so she could transport him safely back to the ward. "Here she is." **

**"Hey, baby. How you feeling?" **

**"I'm thirsty."**

**"Try this." Harriet said, offering him a straw. "Is that better?"**

**"Yeah… I love you, you know?"**

**Harriet smiled softly, he was so drugged up, and he probably had no idea what he was saying. **

**"I love you too, baby." Harriet said, stroking his hand softly. **

**Matt turned to look at Emma. "We had sex last night." He told her groggily.**

**"Matthew." Harriet said, somewhat embarrassed that he'd blurted that out.**

**"What? Don't worry, Harri, you were _good_. I'm such an idiot, I should have asked you to marry me all those years ago, and then we'd have the same last name." Matt laughed slightly, before turning his head and falling back in to a heavily drug induced sleep.**

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hi, sorry for the delay in updating this. I decided to write a one off fic and finish the chapter of "Summer Trip" I'd started with Jayne Leigh. Please remember to review once you've finished, it really means a lot to me. Also, don't forget to check out my other stories. I'll be updating Baby Steps next!**

**Facing It Alone – Chapter Nine**

"**Can you hear me, Matthew? Wake up, sweetheart, you're in recovery. Everything went perfectly." Emma said, as she held his hand. "Come on, wake up, sleepy head."**

"**Is Harriet here?" He asked, licking his dry lips.**

"**Yeah, she's waiting for you in your room. As soon as you feel okay, we'll take you back."**

"**I want to see her now."**

"**Okay, sweetheart, let's go." Emma smiled, lifting the bar up on his bed so she could transport him safely back to the ward. "Here she is." **

"**Hey, baby. How you feeling?" **

"**I'm thirsty."**

"**Try this." Harriet said, offering him a straw. "Is that better?"**

"**Yeah… I love you, you know?"**

**Harriet smiled softly, he was so drugged up, and he probably had no idea what he was saying. **

"**I love you too, baby." Harriet said, stroking his hand softly. **

**Matt turned to look at Emma. "We had sex last night." He told her groggily.**

"**Matthew." Harriet said, somewhat embarrassed that he'd blurted that out.**

"**What? Don't worry, Harri, you were **_**good**_**. I'm such an idiot; I should have asked you to marry me all those years ago, and then we'd have the same last name." Matt laughed slightly, before turning his head and falling back in to a heavily drug induced sleep.**

**XxXxX**

**Matt woke up from what felt like the heaviest sleep he'd ever experienced. His throat was dry, his lips were chapped, and his head felt like it had been placed in a tight ****vise****. He opened his eyes slowly, squinting at the intense florescent hospital lights above him. He smiled weakly when he saw Harriet and his Mom, sitting in silence next to his bed. Harriet was engrossed in her much-loved Jane Austen novel, while his Mom's hands were busily working a set of knitting needles to finish the blanket she'd started the day she'd arrived. Neither of them had noticed he'd woken up, he opened his mouth, attempting to speak, but all that came out was a raspy sound, coming deep from the bottom of his throat.**

**Harriet looked up from her book.**

"**Hey, sleepy head." She smiled, placing her book down on the bedside table. "How are you feeling?"**

**He cleared his throat. "Tired." **

"**Yeah? Well, you had a general anaesthetic, so you'll be sleepy for a little while."**

"**Did it go okay?" Matt asked, as he looked down at the small dressing covering his chest.**

"**Everything went fine, sweetheart." Lizzy reassured him, as she held the almost-finished blanket out in front of her. "Do you like it?"**

"**Yeah, it's great." He assured her. "Why are you making me a blanket anyway?"**

"**Because you're sick." She rolled her eyes at him, as if this should have been obvious. "I'm making you a hat next."**

"**A hat? I understand the blanket, but why do I need a hat?"**

"**To keep you warm."**

"**But I live in L.A." He sighed.**

"**You've always hated wearing a hat, even as a small boy." She said, turning to face Harriet. "He was always catching a cold of some sort."**

**XxXxX**

**A few hours later, Harriet watched tensely as Emma connected the drip line, which pumped chemotherapy into the central line in Matt's chest.**

"**Ow."**

"**Sorry, sweetheart. Did that hurt?" Emma asked apologetically. **

"**It's just a little sore."**

"**Yeah? That was just where I inserted the line with your medication. You won't feel that each time, so don't worry about it, okay?" **

"**Okay." Matt said, as he leaned his head back onto the pillow and reached out for Harriet's hand, giving it a tight squeeze.**

"**You're just going to feel a little sting." Emma said, as she injected into the top of Matt's thigh.**

**Harriet's face suddenly grew serious. "What's that?"**

"**This is just Matthew's anti-nausea medication. It takes the edge off of things once the chemotherapy has worked its way around his system."**

"**Oh, okay." Harriet said, pulling her chair closer to Matt.**

"**I'll be back to check on you in a bit." Emma said, as she hung Matt's chart at the bottom of his bed.**

**Matt smiled slightly. "Okay. Thanks Emma."**

"**So, what do you want to talk about?" Harried asked, as she ran smooth circles across the back of his hand with her finger.**

"**Anything."**

"**How are you feeling?"**

**A grin spread across Matt's face. "Anything but **_**that**_**."**

"**Okay, urm."**

"**Harri, I'm still the same old me. Please don't be scared to talk to me." He begged.**

"**I know. I'm so sorry." She said, looking down at her hands. **

"**How about I start?" He suggested, lightening the moment.**

"**Okay."**

"**What are you reading?"**

"_**Pride and Prejudice**_**." Harried smiled, picking up her much-loved book.**

"**Again?" He teased.**

"**Yes, again. **_**'It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.'**_**" Harriet quoted, in her best English accent.**

**Matt smiled. He loved when she put on different voices. It was something that first drew him to her all those years ago**

"**What do you love so much about that book?" He asked, grabbing the tattered paperback from Harriet's hands.**

"**Are you kidding me? ****Pride and****Prejudice**_** is **_**a classic. It contains one of the most cherished love stories in English literature. What woman doesn't dream of finding her Mr. Darcy?"**

"**Is that so?"**

"**He was intelligent, wealthy and extremely handsome. What more would a woman want?"**

"**Oh, really?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.**

"**I'm still waiting for mine." She teased, squeezing his hand.**

"**If I remember correctly, you remind me very much of Elizabeth Bennett." He told her.**

**Harriet was impressed. "You've read ****Pride and Prejudice?"**

"**Don't sound so surprised." He teased. "I had to read it for my literature class back in college."**

"**So, how am I like Elizabeth then?" Harriet asked, interested to hear his answer.**

"**You're smart, funny, determined, and gorgeous."**

"**But you never saw what Elizabeth looked like." Harriet laughed.**

"**I have a pretty good picture of her in my head, and she's pretty hot." He joked.**

"**Thank you." Harriet sat up straight and blushed a little. "You always know how to embarrass me." **

"**I do try." He teased.**

"**Speaking of embarrassing me. Remember when we went to London?"**

**He smiled at the memory. "Ah, yes. We went for our three year anniversary." **

"**Actually, it was our fourth year anniversary, but I'll let you off." She laughed. "I can't believe how much trouble you got us into."**

"**He should have smiled for me then."**

"**They're the Queen's guards, Matthew, they're not allowed to smile." She explained.**

"**We had fun though, didn't we?" Matt said seriously.**

"**Yeah we did. Remember when you booked us our own private capsule on the London Eye?"**

"**Yeah, that was pretty romantic, huh?" Matt said, somewhat proud of himself.**

"**It's just a shame that you discovered you were afraid of heights while we were up there." Harriet winked at him. **

"**I wasn't afraid." Matt defended himself.**

"**Oh, come on. Your knees shook and you had to sit down."**

"**Okay, fine, but it was pretty high though."**

**Harriet let out a small laugh. "Yeah, it was fairly high."**

"**Hey, How you doing?" **

**Both Matt and Harriet turned to look at Emma, who had just walked in to check on Matt.**

"**I'm feeling okay, slightly light-headed." His response caused Harriet to look at Matt, concern etched on her face.**

**Emma looked at the machine next to Matt's bed that was administrating his chemotherapy. "You have about another half an hour and then you'll be finished for today." She smiled at him as she turned to leave the room.**

"**Thanks, Emma." Matt said, resting his head back slowly.**

**Once Emma had left, Harriet lent over, plumping up the pillows behind Matt's head. "Why didn't you tell me?"**

"**Tell you what?" Matt asked slowly, slightly confused at the change in her tone of voice.**

**Harriet breathed in sharply. "That you weren't feeling well."**

"**I guess… I just didn't want to worry you." Matt told her sincerely. **

"**But that is why I'm here, Matthew. I'm not here for the adventure. I'm here to hold your hand when you don't feel well, hold the bowl for you while you're being sick, wipe the sweat from your face, help make you comfortable…"**

"**I think I get it." Matt interrupted.**

"**All I'm saying is, it's my job to do these things."**

"**Woah, now who's being romantic?" He asked dryly.**

"**Can you be serious for one minute?" She asked, slightly irritated. "When I said it's my job, Matthew, I mean because I love you and because I want to do this for you."**

**Matt squeezed Harriet's hand firmly. "I am grateful, you know that, right? I just feel so helpless lying here."**

"**But you shouldn't." She reassured him.**

"**I know… It's just." He paused for a moment. "I just don't want to scare you, that's all."**

"**Why would you scare me?" She asked, scooping some ice chips into a plastic cup.**

"**I don't think you realise how sick this can make me." He told her, nodding towards the somewhat cumbersome machine next to his bed.**

"**Matthew, I don't care." Harriet whispered, handing him the small cup of ice chips.**

"**I love you." **

**XxXxX**

**Matt woke up from a restless sleep; he scrunched his eyes shut, hoping it would stop the small room from spinning. He felt nauseous.**

"**Are you okay?" Harriet whispered, gently touching the side of his face.**

"**Don't touch me, please." He begged.**

**Harriet hid the hurt in her voice "Oh, sorry." She said, slumping back down on to the cold plastic chair at the side of Matt's bed. **

**Matt opened his eyes, looking at her. "Harri…"**

"**What is it, sweetheart?"**

"**I think… I think I'm gonna be sick." He said miserably, leaning over the bucket that Harriet was holding.**

**Harriet ran her hand soothingly up and down his back. ****She couldn't understand how something that was supposed to be making him better could make him feel so ill. **

"**Feel better?" She asked, handing him a glass of water.**

"**A bit." He said, leaning his head against the pile of pillows behind him. "Where's my Mom?"**

"**She's just gone to get something to eat. Do you want me to go and get her?"**

**Matt nodded solemnly. "I need to see my Mom."**

"**Okay, I'll go find her." Harriet said, as she promptly left Matt's room in search of Lizzy.**

**XxXxX**

"**Lizzy!" Harriet called, as she spotted the petite grey-haired lady by the coffee machine.**

"**What is it, darling? Is Matthew okay?"**

"**He was sick a minute ago, but, it's just he seemed a little unsettled when he woke up. He asked for you." Harriet explained.**

"**For me?"**

**Harriet nodded and placed her hand on Lizzy's shoulder as they walked to his room.**

**XxXxX**

"**I'll wait out here." Harriet said, as they stood by Matt's door.**

"**Are you sure?"**

"**Yeah, just… let him know I'm waiting outside, okay?"**

"**Of course, darling." Lizzy said, as she pushed open the heavy wooden door into Matt's room.**

"**How you feeling, Sweetie?"**

"**I still feel really queasy, but that isn't why I wanted to talk to you."**

**Lizzy carefully sat on the corner of Matt's bed. "What is it, sweetie? Harriet said you wanted me." **

"**Mom, I'm so scared…"**

"**Sweetheart, there's nothing to be scared of. This will all be over soon." **

**Matt stuttered slightly. "No, it's not that… It's just..."**

"**What is it, darling?" Lizzy asked, taking Matt's cold hand in between hers.**

"**Dad came to see me earlier…"**

"**No, honey, he couldn't have." Lizzy shook her head worriedly. "Your father's been dead for 30 years." **

"**What if this means something, Mom? I'm so scared. I don't want to die, not yet, I'm not ready." Matt said tearfully.**

**The terrified look on Matt's face, made Lizzy feel sick to her stomach. "You're not going to die, Matthew, not yet you're not."**

"**How do you know that though? What if he if was trying to tell me something?" Matt exclaimed, feeling the panic rise inside of him.**

"**Maybe he was trying to tell you something…" Lizzy began, before seeing the terrified look on her son's face. "Maybe he's trying to tell you he's watching over you." Lizzy closed her eyes, to stop the tears from falling.**

"**I miss him so much, Mom. I sometimes wonder if what I remember about him is real, or if it's all from what people have told me about him." Matt said, wiping the tears that were running down his cheek.**

"**Like what?"**

"**I remember learning to play catch with him in the back yard, and my mitt was too big…"**

**Lizzy laughed at the memory. "So your Dad thought it would be a good idea to tape the mitt to your hand."**

"**Yeah, so that really happened then?" Matt couldn't help the small smile that spread across his face. **

"**Unfortunately, yes." Lizzy laughed. "You remind me a lot of your Dad. I think that's what was so hard for me when you were growing up. He died while you were still so young, and I had to watch you grow up into this amazing man that you are today, and you're so much like him, it just… It was hard, you know?" Lizzy said, squeezing his hand softly.**

"**Yeah… Are you mad at me?"**

**Lizzy chewed at her lip nervously. "Mad at you?"**

"**You always seemed mad at me. I never knew what I'd done to upset you."**

**Lizzy couldn't hold the tears back any longer. "God, Matthew. I was never mad at you, and I hate myself for treating Robert and you the way I have done. You were only children when he died, but I was being selfish…"**

"**What do you mean?"**

"**He spent so much time with you boys, that when he died, I subconsciously blamed you both for it. I resented that you got to enjoy the last happy moment with him, instead of me."**

**Matt looked at her, not sure what to say. "What about now?**

"**What about now? I detest the woman that I was before. I know I've been an awful mother to you boys…"**

"**Mom…" Matt interrupted.**

"**Matthew, please, you don't have to pretend. I know I was a terrible mother and I hate myself every day for it. I've been thinking about it for a while, but I was too proud to say anything, but then you phoned me that night, and my maternal instinct kicked in and I knew I had to get to you as soon as possible."**

"**I'm glad you're here, Mom. I really am. I'm sorry I never called you sooner."**

"**Shhh, don't worry, okay?"**

"**So you don't think there's anything to worry about then?" He asked, referring to the dream he had last night.**

"**No, I don't." Lizzy smiled slightly, as she stood up and placed a warm kiss on his clammy forehead. "Now, get some rest, okay?"**

"**Yeah. Mom, is Harriet outside?"**

**XxXxX**

**Danny sat in Matt's dark office, monotonously spinning in his chair. His right hand tightly gripped Matt's treasured tennis ball. He'd never understood what Matt found so calming about it, but if it worked for him, Danny thought he might as well give it a go. He'd just asked Cal to page all cast members to the stage in five minutes. **

"**Hey, you ready?" Jordan asked, walking into the office, taking the tennis ball out of his hands. "Please tell me you aren't going to start carrying one of these around with you from now on too?"**

**Danny smiled slightly. "No, I was just trying to see why Matt likes it so much, that's all." **

"**Shall we head downstairs so that we can get this over with?" Jordan asked softly, bouncing the ball against the hard floor as she spoke. **

**Danny chewed nervously at the skin around his thumbnail. "Yeah, sure."**

"**Actually, this is pretty fun." Jordan said, throwing the ball against the wall. She watched as it almost smashed into the clock, jumping quickly out of the way as it bounced back towards her. Danny caught the ball for her before it could crash into Matt's computer screen on his desk.**

"**Right, never do that again." Danny joked lightly, grabbing Jordan's hand as they made their way down the spiral staircase onto the stage.**

"**Hey, so what's going on?" Simon asked casually, as the pair walked towards them.**

**Danny looked around the room, silently counting the people around him. "Is everyone here?" **

"**Yeah." Tom paused nervously. "So, what's this about? **

"**Is Matt okay? How long does he have left of the program?" Jeanie joined in with the grilling.**

**Danny looked confused. "The program?"**

"**He is in rehab, isn't he?" Jeanie asked, looking at Tom, who seemed just as confused as she was.**

"**I have something to tell you guys." Danny began, stammering slightly.**

"**What is it?" Sam's forehead wrinkled in confusion. **

**Danny cleared his throat. "Matt's not in rehab, he's in hospital."**

"**What the hell?" **

"**Simon, calm down. Let Danny explain." Jordan begged.**

"**He never had a drug problem…"**

"**But you told us he did." Simon interrupted. **

"**I thought he did. I only found out once we were at the hospital."**

"**So what's wrong with him?" Tom asked, concern imprinted on his face.**

"**He has urm… He urm..."**

"**Danny." Jordan looked at him, encouraging him to speak.**

"**He has leukaemia." Danny managed almost too quietly to be heard.**

"**So you've known for over a week and decided not to tell us." Simon spat angrily.**

"**Simon, settle down. It's not like that." Jordan said, defending Danny's decision. **

"**So, go on, tell us why you'd rather us believe that Matt had a drug problem, than know he was seriously ill?" Simon demanded, stepping into Danny's personal space.**

**Danny bit his bottom lip and slowly edged away from Simon. "I'm sorry, okay?"**

"**You're sorry, that's fine. But why did you keep it from us?" Tom asked, walking towards Danny and placing a hand on his shoulder.**

"**I just… I just wish he **_**did **_**have a drug problem right now." Danny said desperately.**

"**What? No, you don't, Danny. Remember how hard it was for you? You don't want that for him."**

**Danny looked at Tom sadly. "At least I'd be able to help him though. All I can do right now is watch him suffer."**

**Tom stepped back, sensing Danny needed some space. "I'm sure just you being there is helping him, Danny."**

"**I guess. Will you excuse me?" Danny said, as he quickly turned around and hurried up the twisting staircase that led upstairs.**

"**Is he going to be okay?" Jeannie asked worriedly, watching Danny disappear in to Matt's office.**

**Jordan sighed. "I think it's just hit him, that this is real."**

"**So, what's happening with Matty?" Tommy asked concerned.**

**Jordan began explaining the treatment process to them all. **

"**So, can we go and see him?" Sam asked, knowing it was a question they all wanted the answer to.**

**Jordan smiled and quickly glanced up at Danny sitting in Matt's office. "I think he'd like that. I'll talk to him about it later, okay?" She said, turning to make her way up the stairs.**

"**Hey, Jordan. Tell Matt that we… That we miss him, okay? Simon said sincerely. **

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry for the delay. Please let me know what you think, I thrive on feedback. Also, don't forget to check out some of my other fics.**

**Facing It Alone: Chapter Ten**

"**So, what's wrong with him?" Tom asked, concern imprinted on his face.**

"**He has urm… He urm..."**

"**Danny." Jordan looked at him, encouraging him to speak.**

"**He has leukaemia." Danny managed, almost too quietly to be heard.**

"**So you've known for over a week and decided not to tell us." Simon spat angrily.**

"**Simon, settle down. It's not like that." Jordan said, defending Danny's decision. **

"**So, go on, tell us why you'd rather have us believe that Matt had a drug problem, than know he was seriously ill?" Simon demanded, stepping into Danny's personal space.**

**Danny bit his bottom lip and slowly edged away from Simon. "I'm sorry, okay?"**

"**You're sorry, that's fine. But why did you keep it from us?" Tom asked, walking towards Danny and placing a hand on his shoulder.**

"**I just… I just wish he **_**did **_**have a drug problem right now." Danny said desperately.**

"**What? No, you don't, Danny! Remember how hard it was for you? You don't want that for him."**

**Danny looked at Tom sadly. "At least I'd be able to help him though. All I can do right now is watch him suffer."**

**Tom stepped back, sensing Danny needed some space. "I'm sure just you being there is helping him, Danny."**

"**I guess. Will you excuse me?" Danny said, as he quickly turned around and hurried up the twisting staircase that led upstairs.**

"**Is he going to be okay?" Jeannie asked worriedly, watching Danny disappear in to Matt's office.**

**Jordan sighed. "I think it's just hit him; that this is real."**

"**So, what's happening with Matty?" Tommy asked concerned.**

**Jordan began explaining the treatment process to them all. **

"**So, can we go and see him?" Sam asked, knowing it was a question they all wanted the answer to.**

**Jordan smiled and quickly glanced up at Danny sitting in Matt's office. "I think he'd like that. I'll talk to him about it later, okay?" She said, turning to make her way up the stairs.**

"**Hey, Jordan. Tell Matt that we… That we miss him, okay? Simon said sincerely.**

**XxXxX**

**A few weeks later, Harriet walked into Matt's hospital room.**

"**Hey, baby. Did you sleep well?" She asked, looking over at Matt, who was lying on his bed. He'd been having his intensive chemotherapy treatment for a month now, and it broke Harriet's heart to see him like this. He'd lost so much weight, the sparkle had gone from his eyes, and his skin was at least two shades paler than it was when he was first admitted.**

"**Eh. I've had better night's sleep. I think I was thinking too much about my new round of chemo that's starting today."**

"**Aww, baby!" She soothed, walking towards him and throwing her cardigan onto his bed. **

"**So, what's with the cap?" Harriet asked, lifting the bill of the hat off of his face, and kissing him gently on his dry lips. "Do you think you're LL Cool J or something?" She teased.**

**Matt looked at Harriet before timidly removing his navy blue baseball cap and revealing his newly shaven head.**

**Harriet gasped as her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh my God."**

"**Do you not like it?" He asked her, sounding a little dejected.**

"**Of course I do; I was just shocked. You never told me you were going to do it, that's all." Harriet explained, running her hand gently over his smooth head.**

**Matt could feel Harriet's eyes on him. "What?"**

"**You, uh, you missed a bit." She stuttered. "Would you like me to do it for you?" She asked gently, picking up the electric razor from his bedside table.**

"**Would you mind?"**

"**Of course not." She took a deep breath, before turning the razor on. "You ready?"**

**Matt closed his eyes tightly. "As ready as I'll ever be."**

**Harriet lightly ran the razor over the small patch of hair at the back of Matt's head that he'd missed himself.**

"**There you go, I'm all done." She smiled, placing the baseball cap back on his head, with the bill pointing backwards. "That's better."**

"**Thanks, Harri." Matt paused for a moment before continuing. " It's just ****I****couldn't stand waking up every morning and watching my hair fall out. As ridiculous as this sounds, it was harder for me to accept than anything else. No matter how sick I've been feeling lately, I could still pretend that this was all some soft of horrible dream and that I'd wake up any minute… But with this, I couldn't pretend any more. I had to get rid of it, or I would have gone crazy."**

**Harriet looked deep into Matt's blue eyes and ran her hand smoothly down his arm. "You look so handsome."**

**Matt rolled his eyes. "You're just saying that because you're my girlfriend." He teased, turning his head towards her.**

"**I'm serious. I've never noticed how sparkly your eyes are." She explained, leaning forwards slightly to get a better look.**

"**Sparkly?" He laughed. "Have you been taking some of my pain medication?" He teased.**

"**They're just so blue… And pretty."**

**Matt scrunched his nose up at her. "Pretty? Do you not think my eyes are sexy then?" He replied, amusingly. **

"**Eh, they're alright." She hit back jokingly as she picked his hand up off of the bed and brought it to her mouth for a kiss.**

**XxXxX**

"**Okay, so you're sure you're going to be okay?" Harriet asked later that afternoon. "I hate leaving you."**

"**Harri, I'll be fine. You know how important the show is to me. I want you to get back there in time for the final run-through before dress." Matt assured her.**

"**I know, but you're starting your treatment in a bit. What if I stay until Emma gets here?**

**Matt rubbed his eyes. "Harri, it's show night. You have to be there for the final run-through. You can't just go straight into dress. You've already spent way too much time with me this week; you've hardly had time to rehearse."**

"**Too much time?" Harriet snapped.**

"**Sweetheart, you **_**know **_**I didn't mean it like that."**

"**I'm sorry. I know you didn't." Harriet said, taking his hand gently in hers. "I just hate leaving you. I feel sick..."**

"**That will make two of us then." Matt interrupted, trying to lighten the moment.**

"**I'm being serious, Matthew. The thought of you sitting here, going through this without me… It breaks my heart." Harriet sighed, as she felt the warm tears roll down her cheek.**

"**Aw, babes. Don't cry. Come on, come here." He said, patting the bed for her to sit down next to him. **

"**I'm sorry."**

"**It's okay. Come on, no more tears, 'kay?" He said, wiping her cheeks with a tissue.**

"**God, **_**you're**_** the one going through all of this, and **_**I'm**_** the emotional wreck." She laughed.**

"**I just don't want you to worry about me tonight, okay? My mom will be here, and I'll be fine."**

"**I know."**

"**I'm usually on my own on show night, anyway."**

"**I know, I know. I'm just being stupid." She told him, standing up, and buttoning up her pink cardigan. **

"**I'll see you tomorrow. I can't guarantee you the best conversation, but I look forward to your visit." He smiled, kissing her on the lips as she bent down to say goodbye. **

"**Love you."**

"**I love you too." He grinned, blowing her a kiss as she left his room.**

**XxXxX**

**It was 10 minutes before show time, and Harriet ran to her cell phone, hearing the beep that announced that she had a text message. **

"**Eat them up!"**

**She knew that Lizzy had written the message for him as it said 'eat them up' not 'eat em up', but it still brought a smile to her face, knowing that Matthew was thinking about her, even when he wasn't feeling well.**

"**Alright, huddle up!" Danny yelled, signaling for the entire cast to join him in the huddle backstage. "Eat 'em up guys. We're going to have a great show tonight. You've all been working extremely hard these last few weeks, so let's make Matty proud this evening by putting on an awesome show. Does anyone want to say anything quickly?" **

"**Can I?" Harriet asked, raising her hand.**

"**Sure, go ahead."**

"**Blessed are thee, Lord our God, Creator of the universe and Father of us all. ****I know that sometimes Matthew can act like a total jackass, but he really does have a heart of gold. He doesn't deserve this. Please look after Matthew during his last few weeks of treatment, love him like your own, and help get him through this rough time… Amen."**

"**Amen." Everyone said at the same time. **

**Simon looked around the circle. "Let's do this for Matt." He said, placing his hand in the middle of the huddle, watching closely as everyone placed their hand on top of his, one by one. **

"**Five minutes until show time." An assistant called out over the loudspeaker.**

**Danny cleared his throat as he walked towards his TV monitor. "Break a leg guys." **

"**We're going live in 5, 4, 3..."**

"**We're Live from Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. It's Friday night in Hollywood with Harriet Hayes, Simon Stiles, and Tom Jeter."**

**XxXxX**

**As soon as Harriet finished the show, she picked up her cell to call Lizzy. "How is he?"**

"**He's not doing too well tonight, Harriet. The chemo has made him pretty sick."**

**Harriet swallowed hard, trying to stop the lump from rising in her throat. "More than usual?"**

"**Yes. Emma said his last round of treatment would be even stronger than the last, so his side effects could worsen." Lizzy told her, her voice starting to break.**

"**I'll come right down."**

"**No. You go home, sweetheart. I've finally managed to get him off to sleep. Come down in the morning, okay?"**

"**I don't mind."**

"**Harriet, you and I both know that Matthew would not be happy with me letting you come down after work."**

"**I know you're right."**

"**So then go home."**

"**Promise you'll call me if anything happens?"**

"**Of course I will. Now sleep well."**

"**Thanks, Lizzy."**

"**Night night, darling."**

**Harriet stared at her hot pink cell phone that she was still gripping tightly in her hand. With a sigh, she made her way to her dressing room. She opened the door quietly, surprised to see Jeannie sitting there waiting for her. **

"**Hey." Harriet greeted Jeannie.**

"**How is he?"**

**Harriet took a seat opposite Jeannie. "I just got off the phone with his mom. She said he isn't doing too well tonight."**

"**I know you and I haven't seen eye to eye, since… Well, you know. But, I'm always here for you if you need to talk." Jeannie said, reaching over and squeezing Harriet's hands.**

"**I'm just so scared that I'll lose him, Jeannie. One minute he seems fine, and then the next minute he's throwing up all over the place. What if it's not working? What if he's going through all of this for nothing?" Harriet sobbed, tears rolling down her cheeks.**

"**Harriet, you can't think like that. You have to think positively for Matthew. He needs you right now; he needs you to be strong for him."**

"**I know and I am trying, it's just so hard." Harriet agreed softly. "I can't believe how nice you're being to me; I've been nothing but a bitch to you." She said, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.**

"**I probably deserved it."**

"**You did." Harriet smiled, emphasizing she was only kidding. **

"**Seriously, Harri. Night or day, you have my number; give me a call, okay? I've known Matty a long time, and I love him dearly…" Jeannie stopped abruptly, seeing Harriet's wary look on her face. "Only as a friend. I promise, he's all yours." Jeannie grinned, standing up. "Promise you'll call me if you need anything?"**

"**I promise."**

"**Okay, go home and get some sleep."**

"**I will… And Jeannie, thank you." She said, standing up and hugging Jeannie.**

"**Hey, what are friends for?"**

**XxXxX**

"**Can I come in?" Harriet asked, knocking on Matt's door the next day.**

"**Of course you can." Lizzy whispered, pointing to a sleeping Matt.**

"**He's still asleep?"**

"**He didn't have a good night last night." Lizzy said quietly, pulling Harriet away from the bed so they could talk.**

"**You said you'd call me if anything happened."**

**Lizzy glanced over to check that Matthew was still asleep. "I know I did darling, but he asked me not to. He really wasn't very well. I've never seen him like this." **

"**Has Emma been to see him this morning?" Harriet asked, clutching one of Matt's Yankee T-shirts.**

"**She's due any minute." Lizzy told her. **

**They both crept over to Matt and took a seat by his bed. **

"**Good morning." Emma said, as she made her way into the room half an hour later. "How's he been?"**

"**Not very well. He's only been asleep an hour or so." Lizzy explained.**

"**Okay, we need to make sure he gets plenty of food and drink in him. I told him this yesterday, but if he can't keep anything down, we're going to have to fit him with a gastric feeding tube."**

"**Oh my God." Lizzy exclaimed, as she paced the room nervously. "That's pretty serious, isn't it?"**

"**It sounds a lot scarier than it really is, and it is more of a precaution than anything else." She explained.**

"**Okay." Lizzy relaxed a little.**

"**Hey." **

**They all turned around when they heard that Matt had woken up.**

"**How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Lizzy asked, as she dipped a washcloth into a bowl of cool water by the side of his bed.**

**Matt jumped a little at the cold sensation against his forehead.**

"**Horrible." He replied, not bothering to open his eyes. "I feel so sick."**

"**I know you do. This will all be over soon, sweetie."**

"**Thanks Mom." He whispered, searching around the bed for her hand to hold. "Is Harriet here?"**

**Harriet made her way over to his bed, taking his other hand in hers. "I'm here."**

"**This is so hard." He mumbled quietly. "I don't know how much more of this I can take."**

**Harriet bit her lip worriedly as she watched a few tears escape Matt's closed eyes.**

"**Please don't say that." Lizzy begged. "Please, I can't listen to you talking like that."**

"**I'm sorry."**

"**Hey, sweetheart." Emma's voice softened as she walked towards him. "I've upped your anti-nausea medication, so you should start to feel a little better."**

"**Thank you."**

"**I've also brought you in some Jell-O to try and help you eat something."**

"**I really can't. Just the thought of food makes me want to throw up." He apologised. **

"**Can you at least try for me?" She asked gently. "Otherwise, we're going to have no choice but to place you on a feeding tube."**

"**I'll try…"**

"**Harriet, can you gently hold his head still for me, while I raise the bed so he can sit up a little?"**

"**Sure." Harriet said, placing her warm hands gently on either side of his head to stop him from feeling any sicker when the bed was moved.**

"**There you go." Emma smiled warmly, as she placed the small plastic container of Jell-O in front of him. **

**Matt watched as Harriet pulled back the lid, scooping a small amount of Jell-O on to the spoon.**

**Matt's hand shook slightly as he reached for the spoon, bringing it to his mouth slowly, hesitating a little before putting it into his mouth. **

"**How is it?" Emma asked, watching Matt carefully suck the Jell-O into his mouth, before attempting to swallow it. **

"**It was okay…" Matt told her, giving the spoon back to Harriet.**

"**Have your arms dropped off?" Emma teased, as she watched Harriet feed Matt some more Jell-O.**

**Matt smiled bashfully. "I like it when she does it." **

**After a few more mouthfuls, Matt began to gag on the gooey substance in his mouth. He quickly leaned over the bucket that Emma had brought with her in case he reacted that way. **

"**It's okay, hon." Emma soothed, as she rubbed his back.**

"**I'm going to be sick again."**

**There was silence for a few minutes, while they comforted Matt.**

"**I think I'm going to call your doctor and let him know that you aren't managing to keep food down. You'll feel a lot better once you're on the feeding tube."**

"**Okay."**

**XxXxX**

"**Hey, Matty." Danny greeted, as he walked into Matt's hospital room two weeks later. **

"**Danny." Matt smiled weakly as soon as he heard his best friend's voice. "I'm glad you're here."**

"**Yeah? Good. So, what's for dinner tonight then?" He asked, as he watched Matt carefully peel back the gauze covering his feeding tube and injected the nutritional supplement down the small pipe, which led to his stomach.**

"**I'm having Chocolate tonight."**

"**Chocolate? Can you even taste it? Danny asked, slightly confused.**

"**No."**

"**So, why do they do flavour them?"**

"**I have no idea, but I like the fact I'm eating chocolate, even if I can't taste it." Matt told him, as he slowly administered his feed.**

"**Is everything okay?" **

"**Not really." He mumbled, keeping his head down to avoid eye contact. "What is it?"**

"**I've just spoken to my doctor…" He stuttered. "They just got my results back from my bone marrow test, and it's not looking good."**

"**What… What uh… What do you mean?"**

"**I haven't responded at all to my treatment. They said by now, they should be seeing an increase in my white blood count, but they haven't. **

"**So, what did they say?"**

"**He told me to think about whether or not I want to stop the treatment for a while." Matt told him, as he tried to hide the fear in his voice. **

"**What? You can't stop the treatment, Matthew. That's ridiculous. You're stronger than this. You can't just give up."**

**Matt rubbed his eyes with a sigh. "I used to think I was strong, but I'm not. I can't keep going on like this, Danny. I've already had so much shit pumped through my body, and it hasn't even fucking worked."**

"**Matt, I swear to God I am not letting you give up on yourself like this; not now, not after what you've already gone through."**

**Matt idly played with a pen that he'd picked up from his bedside table, clicking it repeatedly. "This is slowly killing me, Danny. I'm not even talking about the leukaemia anymore, just this whole shitty experience."**

"**So, what? You're just going to sit back and let this thing beat you?" Danny asked, raising his voice. **

**Matt turned away; he didn't want Danny to see the fear in his eyes. "I don't know what I'm going to do, Danny. What the hell am I supposed to tell my Mom, what about Harriet? What if this is it, Danny?" Matt's voice broke with emotion, as stubborn tears began to roll down his cheek.**

"**I can't listen to this anymore. I have to get back to work." Danny said, as he stood up quickly.**

"**Danny, wait. Please stay here for a bit. I really need to talk to someone about this."**

"**By the looks of it, Matt, you've already decided what you're doing." Danny spat. "What do you want me to say? That I think you've made the right decision? Because I don't. You're giving up, and I can't watch you do that. So if you'll excuse me, I have to go." He said, grabbing his coat and walking out the door.**

**Matt threw his head back against his pillows. Never in his life had he been so frightened and felt so alone.**

**XxXxX**

**Harriet made her way down the hospital corridor, carrying a heavy bag full of clean clothes for Matt.**

"**Hey, sweetie." She said, walking into his room and dumping the heavy bag at the end of his bed. "How are you feeling today?" She asked, suddenly feeling extremely anxious. She could sense something was wrong by the straight-faced expression on Matt's face.**

**Matt patted the space next to him on the bed. "Come here, babe. I have something important to tell you."**

**The End.**

**Don't worry. I'm writing an epilogue... but you have to review first ;)  
**


	11. Epilogue

**I apologise for taking absolutely forever to update this story. If you want to blame anyone, I blame Jayne and The West Wing for distracting me.**

**Thanks to Jayne for listening to me rant forever about wanting to finish this story but not having the energy, and to Zoe, for "encouraging" me to do it ;)**

**Anyway, please read and review. I'd love to know what you thought of the epilogue.**

**Facing It Alone: Epilogue**

**Jordan quietly made her way over to Danny, careful not to startle him. "Are you ready?" She asked gently, straightening his navy blue silk tie and running her hands down the front of his black suit jacket.**

**Danny's eyes fell on the picture hanging on the wall in front of them. It was taken a couple of years ago at one of the shows' wrap parties. He carefully lifted the frame off of the picture hook and traced a finger lightly over the dusty glass. His arm was thrown haphazardly over Matt's shoulder, while his free arm snaked around Jordan's waist. Matt was tightly gripping Harriet's hand and they were both laughing hysterically, neither of them was looking at the camera. The rest of the cast and crew surrounded the happy foursome.**

**That evening was still fresh in his mind, it had taken them so long to organise that damn photo, so that everybody was in it. Danny smiled warmly at the memory of that night.**

**"Not really." He muttered, as he turned to face his wife. "I can't believe this is actually happening."**

**Jordan reached for Danny's hand and loosely entwined their fingers, before resting her forehead against his. "I know, baby."**

**"You don't know, you say you do, but you don't. This studio, _this_ was his life; _this_ is what he lived for. How the hell am I going to be able to come to work every day without him being here?"**

**"I'm sorry." Jordan whispered as she backed away, unsure if he needed a little space.**

**Danny took a deep breath as he reached for Jordan's hands. "No, God, I'm the one that should be apologising. It's just I… I don't know how to handle this; I _should_ be able to handle this."**

**"Babe, listen to me." Jordan whispered, as she pulled Danny's face towards her, so that they were now looking directly at one and other. "Nobody can prepare themselves to lose someone they care so much about."**

**"I know… But this wasn't how it was supposed to be. We're a team, how can we carry on and continue, when one of the most important people in keeping that team together is gone?"**

**"****Do you have your speech?" Jordan asked, as she used her thumb to gently wipe away a solitary tear that had escaped and was now sliding slowly down his cheek.**

**Danny patted the breast pocket of his crisp white oxford shirt. "Yeah, it's all ready to go."**

**"****Okay, will you be all right here? I should really go and check to make sure everybody's ready to go."**

**Danny smiled warmly at her. "Yeah, I'll be fine, go." He said, as he nodded towards the door.**

**"'****Kay, love you." Jordan told him, as she picked up her long grey cashmere jacket that was draped over a nearby chair.**

**XxXxX**

**Jordan quickly made her way downstairs.**

**"****Jordan!" Tom called from the writer's room. "Have you seen, Danny?" he asked, as he ran out to greet her, struggling with his tie in the process.**

**"****He's upstairs." She informed him, as she pushed his hands away to finish tying the knot, he'd done such a good job of ruining. **

**Tom stuttered slightly. "I don't know whether or not I should, you know… Should I go and see if he's okay?" **

**"****You're a sweet guy, Tom." Jordan smiled, as she straightened his collar. "I think he just needs some time on his own before the service."**

**A sad smile crossed Tom's face. "Yeah. What about the others?" He asked.**

**"****I was just about to check and make sure everybody is ready to go." Jordan said, as she turned to walk out of the room. **

**"I'll be down in a minute." Tom assured her as he finished getting himself ready.**

**XxXxX**

**Jordan weaved her way through the crowd of people that had gathered at the studio to pay their last respects. The funeral was for close friends and family only, so Studio 60 for many people was the ideal place for them to say goodbye. It was somewhere where people had felt close to him, where he'd spent so many hours of his life, somewhere he considered home. **

**"****Jordan!" Simon called, as he made his way over to her through the mass of people. "The cars are here and everyone is ready to go." He explained. "You, Rebecca and Danny are sharing a car with me and Tom. I've just seen them go outside, you ready?" He asked, holding his arm out for her.**

**She smiled weakly at him. "Yeah. I'm ready." **

**XxXxX**

**The weather was awful and the drive to the funeral home seemed to take forever.**

**"It's starting to rain." Tom announced, as he stared out at the angry sky above.**

**Danny sighed softly, laying his head against the back of the chair and pressing his nasal bridge with his thumb and his forefinger. "I still don't quite believe this is happening, you know? It doesn't feel real yet." He explained simply.**

**"Yeah…" Muttered Simon, who was just as lost in his thoughts as everybody else in the car was. He thought about how cruel this was, how he was too young to die and how he still had so much in his life to achieve. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Had he been a good friend? Sure he'd said some things to him in the past, but he must have known he hadn't meant them, right?**

**When they pulled up to the funeral home, Tom jumped out of the car and quickly ran around to open the door for Danny, Jordan and Rebecca. Jordan smiled warmly at him as he opened his umbrella and offered it to them. **

**"****You're a sweet guy, Tom." **

**"****You've told me that twice today." He said softly."**

**Jordan smiled and linked arms with Danny. "Yeah? Well don't get too used to it." She said, as she turned and began walking towards the rest of the guests who had already arrived.**

**XxXxX**

**"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations…" The sound of people reading Psalm 90 filled the room. "Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God…"**

**"Jeannie Whatley would now like to read a poem, would you like to come up to the front, Jeannie? " The minister asked.**

**Jeannie made her way to the front of the hall, nervously clearing her throat before she began to read the poem she'd penned.**

**"I'm writing this from heaven, where I stay with God above. _  
_Where there's no more tears or sadness, there's just eternal love._  
_Please do not be unhappy, because I am out of sight, remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night. _  
_And I will stay beside you, every day, week and year. _  
_And when you're sad I'll still be there to wipe away your tears. _  
_When you think of my life on earth and all those living years, because you're only human their bound to bring you tears. _  
_But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain, remember there wouldn't be flowers unless we first had rain. _  
_I wish I could tell you of all what God has planned, but even if I were able to, you wouldn't understand. _  
_When you're going down the street and you've got me on your mind _  
_I'm walking in your footsteps and only half a step behind. _  
_And if you feel a gentle breeze or wind upon your face, remember it's only me with a loving and soft embrace."**

**By the time Jeannie had finished reading her poem, everybody was in tears.**

**"****Thank you, Jeannie, that was lovely." The minister said kindly. "Who else would like to read something?"**

**Harriet raised her hand and waited until she was called to the front.**

**"****This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, saying goodbye to somebody I love is never easy." Harriet stuttered slightly. "You never get used to losing somebody you adore. Over time, things get easier, but you never get over them. I just want to say that you may have been taken from us, but rest assured, you will forever be missed and never forgotten. As you all know, I am a strong believer in life after death and this has given me a small amount of comfort, knowing that he is now in a better place. Sleep well, sweet man."**

**As Harriet finished, she looked up and crossed her heart before leaving the podium. **

**"****Anybody else?" The minister asked.**

**"****Urm, I'd like to say something." Danny hesitated, before he stood up and walked to the platform at the front of the hall. **

**"****I'm not much of a writer, I tend to leave that up to, Matty." He smiled, as he pointed out into the congregation.**

**"****That's because you're crap at it." Matt laughed, as he bounced the squirming little girl on his knee.**

**"****That's true… But I wrote something anyway." Danny explained. Laughing anxiously, he began. "Cal…I wrote your name in the sky but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name in my heart and forever it will stay." Once he'd finished, he folded his speech back up and placed in back in his pocket.****"We'll see you up there one day, Cal and until we do, eat 'em up."**

**XxXxX**

**Once the service had finished, and they were walking back from the gravesite, Danny wrapped his wool coat tightly around himself and made his way over to Matt, who had a screaming Alexis in his arms. **

**"****Come on, Lexie." Matt soothed, as he gently rubbed the little girl's back. "Will you stop crying for Daddy?" He asked, as he moved her from one hip to the other. **

**The more Matt tried to sooth her, Alexis's cries got louder. **

**"****Babe?" Matt called over to Harriet. "Can you take her from me? I think she's hungry." He asked, as he handed the wriggling infant over to her mom. Matt watched in awe as the child he was never supposed to be able to have hungrily latched on to the bottle Harriet was holding out for her. **

**Danny smiled warmly at the expression on his friend's face. "That little girl is nothing short of a miracle, huh?" He said, as he stuffed his hands in his suit pockets.**

**Matt's face lit up at the mention of his daughter. "It's something neither Harriet or I can understand, you know? They were so adamant that after the chemo I wouldn't be able to have any children. I guess we were lucky with Alexis."**

**"****I still can't believe this is happening." Danny sighed. "This time last year, I honestly thought I'd be here, saying goodbye to you." **

**Matt subconsciously kicked the gravel underneath his feet. "You and me both." He muttered. "Did you know the kid driving the car was only sixteen?" Matt explained. "Apparently he'd stolen his dad's car, gone out and got drunk." He finished bitterly. **

**"****Are you kidding?" Danny asked, disgust evident in his voice. **

**"****Dadddddy!" Rebecca yelled, as she threw her arms up at Danny to be picked up. **

**"****What have I told you about yelling?" He asked the three year old in his arms.**

**Rebecca rolled her little brown eyes. "That I mustn't do it." She explained.**

**"****That's right." Danny smiled, as he kissed her forehead.**

**"****Daddy, What is heaven like?" Rebecca asked, as she rested her head on his shoulder.**

**Danny shared a look with Matt before turning back to his daughter. "Uh, well honey, it's where very good people go to rest."**

**Rebecca thought about that for a moment. "Is that where the angels live?"**

**"Yeah, that's right."**

**"So, Uncle Cal is living with the angels now?"**

**"Yes, honey."**

**"I bet it's nice there." She stated. "But I'm going to really miss him."**

**Danny smiled sadly but was glad for the innocence that she still had. "Me too baby..."**

**She kissed his cheek softly before wriggling out of his arms to her feet then running off to catch up with her Mom and Aunt Harriet.**

**Matt slapped Danny on the back lightly, both of them sharing a look before they followed her to join their families.**

**The End!**

**Please Review. I'd love to know what you all think.**


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